


Drink My Soul

by Unicornsniper



Series: Bodice Rippers [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, Attempt at Humor, F/M, Light Angst, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Victorian Space Fusion, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2019-07-05 12:48:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15863946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsniper/pseuds/Unicornsniper
Summary: To escape the request of marriage from Krennic, Saw Gerrera promises Jyn's hand to another.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been reading too many romance novels/bodice rippers on my train rides (instead of doodling) so…this happened. Setting is a mix of those olden times but in space because space is cool...or like, I guess, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away???

_Taste me drink my soul_   
_Show me all the things that I shouldn't know_

_\- The Pretty Reckless_

* * *

 

She charged into the room, her brilliant green eyes blazing with anger and a tinge of annoyance.   The rest of the ballroom stood stock style, surprise evident on each and every one of their faces but she paid them no heed.  She was there for one reason and one reason only.

Spotting Lord Gerrera at the far end of the room dressed in his typical gray greatcoat with silver buttons and bound with a belt, she descended the staircase without being announced.  There was a gasp from a lady and it took all her willpower not to roll her eyes. Protocols be damned, she was pissed off that evening and didn’t give a shit about what everyone else thought.    

Belatedly, she realized that the string quartet resumed its play, trying their best to offer some modicum of normalcy and slowly, the ballroom stuttered back to its mindless chatter and dances or whatever the fuck they did.  To be honest, she had not been to one since her disastrous debut some several seasons ago when she managed to mortify all guests. No one deemed her marriage material ever since which was perfectly fine with her.

In fact, Barontess Jyn Erso was of no standing as far as polite society was concerned.  She did not pay calls, did not attend balls nor did she exude the feminine gentleness that was quite popular on the planet.  If anything, she was the exact opposite of gentle. When people saw her charging down the streets, they would give her wide berth for fear of receiving her ire.     

Gerrera was still speaking in low tones to a gentleman wearing the dark robes of a monk when she finally reached his location.  Both men refused to pay her attention but she could tell by the slight flare of Gerrera’s nostrils that she had managed to embarrass him.  Not that it mattered. 

“You're leaving,” she hissed, impatiently breaking into the conversation.

Gerrera’s jaw clenched and he nodded at the other gentleman before turning toward Jyn.  Gripping her forearm, he dragged her outside, his back ramrod straight and his dark black eyes glittering dangerously.  He had not appeared that angry since her debut.

When they were finally out of earshot, he released her and she staggered back.  

“Are you insane?”

“You're leaving,” Jyn repeated.  “Were you not going to tell me?”

“You are three and twenty.” He stated as if that were all the reason in the world.  “A woman grown and long past marrying age.”

A sarcastic laugh tore from her lips.  “There is none here that can hold me down,” she said while crossing her arms.  “Boars, louts and idiots fill our society and flood the world with idle chatter.   Why would I want to be chained to those pricks that seek nothing but glory?”

“Because,” he hissed harshly, nearly drowning out her last words, “it was your parents’ last request.”

“Bullshit.  They requested my safety and happiness--two things I am perfectly capable of without a husband.”

Willful.  He had called her that throughout her youth upon claiming her from the magistrate.  It was something he tried to drill out of her but it burned inside of her, brighter than all her other attributes.  It was the only reason that she still lived after all the tragedy that tainted her childhood.

Gerrera stared hard at her but then sighed.   “Krennic has made an offer.”

Jyn winced.  Krennic had been her father's acquaintance and as old as he.  She could still remember his shock of gray hair as a toddler whenever he would pay visits to their humble home.  Krennic was also the reason that Jyn even had a title--an inheritance given to her after he awarded the title of Baronet to her father.  What would that slimy dolt want to do with her? 

“I lied.  I told him you were already betrothed,” Gerrera continued, interrupting her thoughts as he walked up to her.  His limp, an old war injury, was pronounced in that moment and Jyn softened. Gerrera was a knight first--a fighter and not a father, but he was the closest one she had.  Running in these circles never agreed with him but he did so for her sake.

“To what?  A tree?” she asked, trying for humor to alleviate the lost and sad look in the older man’s gaze.  “That is the only countenance that could tolerate me.”

“Unfortunately, not even a tree would agree to marriage with you.”

She couldn't help but smirk.  “Probably for the best. I would have chopped it and used it for fire eventually.”

“This is serious, Jyn.  You cannot dismiss an archduke.  Not without consequences."  Grimacing, Saw continued, "I made a deal with the Lady Mothma of Yavin IV.  She has found someone suitable.”

Of course she understood that he was right but if she were to wed, then her freedom would be gone in an instant--handed over to whatever dolt had agreed.  It was too great a loss. “I can’t,” she whispered as she stared at his belt. She had bought it for him as a present during the first year under his care.  It was worn and frayed, but he still kept it around him every day. 

Heavy hands fell upon her shoulders and he touched his forehead to hers as he had done whenever she scraped a knee as a child.  “You must. It is the only way to escape Krennic and get you away from the heart of Coruscant.” 

The tilt in his voice grabbed her attention.  “You are leaving, too. Can I not just go with you and hide,” she asked.  When he didn’t answer right away, she narrowed her eyes. “You are planning something.”  The look he gave her confirmed her suspicion.

“I have charted you passage to the planet of Yavin IV.  It is there where you will meet your betrothed.”

“Saw,” she began.

He squeezed her shoulders before stepping completely away from her and drawing up to his full height.  Features hardening, he said, “You must go. Tonight and without delay. My associate, Lord Imwe, will escort you to the vessel.”  He nodded to someone behind her and she glanced over her shoulder to see the man from earlier, but now that she had a good look at his face, she noticed the milky white irises that she hadn’t noticed before. 

“We will meet again, you have my word.”

And with that, he was gone.

* * *

__  
  
Long dark strands of hair nearly obscured his vision and he knew that he should probably get it cut.  Threading his long, sturdy fingers through his hair, he gathered as much as he could and tied it back with a piece of cord as he made his way across the docks.  The night was already approaching and he was ready to leave the planet as soon as possible.  His crew and he had landed as a necessity with their fuel and supplies running dangerously low, but Coruscant was not a good place as it housed the heart of the Empire and with it, many dark secrets. 

His ship, Rogue One, was an old  UT-60D U-wing starfighter that sat at the end of the dock.  Although it had seen better days, Cassian thought of it as home having inherited it from his parents at the young age of six.   Years of building, rebuilding, tweaking and reshaping the old ship had made him an expert in all it’s parts. Even when people said it was fading and it would be easier to sell, he could not part with Rogue One.

As he walked, he found his cook, a giant burly man with long curly hair that fell from an off white bandanna that was tied tightly around his forehead.  Dressed in his usual attire of an off-white linen dress shirt beneath a bright red waistcoat, breeches and black boots, he made quite a dynamic figure compared to the rest of the Coruscantians that wore dark, muddy colors which were similar to what he was wearing.  Three giant boxes sat by his feet.

“What is that?”  Cassian asked as he tipped his head toward the boxes.

“Dinner,” Baze grunted.  “For me.”

“And the rest of the crew?”

“Starves.”

“Same thing tonight, then.  You need to work on the menu,” Cassian said as he pulled one of the boxes from Baze’s pile.  It was heavier than he had imagined and by the look that Baze threw at him, the larger man knew that as well. 

Bending with his knees, Baze picked up the remainder of the boxes.  “Watch your back, Captain,” he said before charging up the short, small ramp.

As he lugged the box into the hull, Cassian caught sight of his pilot, Bodhi, pacing and talking to himself--a bad sign.  Bodhi had slipped off his usual goggles so that it hung from his neck and bounced on his gray waistcoat. His linen shirt and breeches were stained with grease, probably from having had to repair the ship more than once, and his long, inky hair had been pulled into a high ponytail as to keep it away from his face.  Dropping the box on the ground, he took no pleasure in seeing his pilot jump and startle before whirling around and blinking at Cassian with giant, dark eyes. “Cassian--y-you’re back,” he said.

“What happened?”  

“Don’t be mad.”

Quirking his lip, he said, “I can now assure you that I will be.”

“Well, then, don’t be mad at me.”

“We needed the money,” a voice cut through to them from the cockpit. 

Kay, his first mate, lumbered into the hold with a look of disdain.  As per usual, Kay was dressed immaculately in the style of a gentleman of noble birth with a  black  dress-coat, patent leather shoes, and white cravat .  The only thing missing was a monocle.  “Explain,” Cassian commanded.

“There was a job opportunity on the message boards and I took it,” Kay replied stoically.  “It was a hefty sum and only required that we ship cargo from Point A to Point B, where, I might add, is already our intended route.” 

“A hefty sum for cargo,” Cassian repeated as his eyes narrowed.  “What kind of cargo?”

“H-human,” Bodhi interjected.  He was scratching at his ear. “The cargo is a human female.”

Feeling his blood pressure spike, Cassian swiveled his head toward Kay.  “I thought we talked about this.”

“The last incident was a fluke,” Kay said dismissively.  “The odds of it occurring once again are very low.”

“The last cargo tried to murder us and procure our ship.”

“And you subdued him.”

“With a lot of effort.”

“And you will do so again-- _ if _ it happens.”

Sitting on the box he had just brought in, Cassian rubbed the bridge of his nose and stated, “You’re trying to kill me.”

“Nonsense, Captain.  Your death would negatively impact any future job prospects I may wish to obtain.”

“Glad to know that your pride is what separates me from my demise.”  Before Kay could retort, Cassian held up a hand and asked, “What are the details of this shipment.”

Bodhi stepped forward, taking a worn book from the back of his pocket.  Even though they had the technology to have datapads, Bodhi still enjoyed the usage of pencil to paper.  “W-we are bringing Lady Jyn to meet her betrothed on Yavin IV. Per the agreement, they would like that we house her with Lady Mothma until preparations can be made for the wedding.”

Staring at Bodhi for a second longer, Cassian’s eyes darted to Kay.  “And this is it. A hefty price for transportation.” It didn’t make sense.  It was an easy job--something that a simpleton could do so there had to be more to it.

“Simple,” Kay said.

“Nothing ever is,” Bodhi piped up.  “But at least we can finally purchase the necessary thrusters that we have been needing and update our navigation systems.  We need upgrades, Cassian--this thing,” he said as he touched the walls gently, “needs attention.”

Everything his pilot said was truth, but still Cassian felt uneasy and he had been in the galaxy long enough to know never to ignore his gut instincts.  Biting his lip, he stood just as he heard steps climb up the small ramp followed by the soft voice of his last crew member, Chirrut Imwe.

“Good, they’re here.  Lord Bodhi, shall we began prep for take off?” Kay announced.

“Of course,” Bodhi replied with a smile.  

As Bodhi passed Cassian, he dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze.  Merely nodding in acknowledgement, Cassian stepped back and turned, ready to meet this precious cargo.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since Saw made it abundantly clear what she was supposed to do, her mind had been working on ways to avoid it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not too pleased with this chapter--I wanted more Cassian and Jyn interaction but that can't be done without a bit more setup for this story....Hope it wasn't too painful.

_Well you hurt where you sleep and you sleep where you lie_

_Now you're in deep and now you're gonna cry_

_\- The Pretty Reckless_

* * *

 

Bursting into her room, Jyn pulled open her armoire and found a small carpet bag that she had not used since she moved in with Saw.  A terrifying orange color with blue, dizzying patterns, Jyn had always hated how loud it was. It drew attention and that was the last thing she wanted, especially after losing her parents.  However, it was one of the few items she still had in her possession and she treasured the ugly thing with all her heart. Reverently, she lifted it and unceremoniously hurled it to her bed.

 

Looking up, she found Lord Imwe in her doorway, standing silently.  The entire time that she had flown back to Saw’s residence, she had not heard him following her, a truly frightening thought since she prided herself on her sense of detection.  If she still allowed herself to live in fantasy, she would have thought he were a ghost.

 

“We must hurry,” he said.  “The ship must take off before the sun sets.”  

 

His voice was as friendly as his stance, but Jyn had lived an awfully long time in Coruscant and her heart could not trust easily.  

 

She nodded before remembering he could not see.  Turning back to her armoire, she began to lift a few bits of clothing.  Clearing her throat, she said, “Of course.”

 

Since Saw made it abundantly clear what she was supposed to do, her mind had been working on ways to avoid it. As she riffled through her meager possessions, making sure to pack her father’s book, her mother’s journal, her datapad and a few frocks, she went through the small bits of information in her head.  Krennic wanted her--or whatever she had in her possession. He was already an archduke and quite wealthy so it wasn’t her dowry, was it? All she had to her name were books, a few credits, and the jewel that she wore around her neck. Was it for love? But she doubted it as soon as the idea formed--the man could only love himself.  

 

There was something she was overlooking.

 

Unfortunately, now that he had declared his intentions, could being betrothed to another man be the only way to not marry Krennic?  There had to be another path that she could take. Marriage could not be the answer to everything...even if that is what society dictated.

 

Taking a step back, she reached into her armoire and found an unremarkable pea green travel cloak.  She cinched it around her body and blanched. It was quite small since she had not used it since she was a child but she did not have another one.  It held her tightly, revealing every curve that her normally loose dresses kept hidden. To not wear it would be improper but to wear it would cause scandal, especially when traveling across town with a man.

 

Fucking etiquette.

 

“Lady Erso?” Chirrut called out.  He stepped into the room and closed the carpet bag.  “It is time.”

 

Without a word, he picked up the bag and slipped out of the room.  

 

Taking one last look at her bedroom, Jyn frowned.  It looked like any other room--plain and unassuming.  She had lived there for most of her life and had nothing to show for it.  How sad was that?

 

* * *

 

They walked through the darkening streets heading toward the docks at a brisk pace, never once daring to stop.  Despite his cheery attitude, he was alert and careful, listening for something.  Jyn kept to the shadows, hiding herself as best as she could and keeping her breathing to a minimum.  If she took a normal breath, the travel cloak would pop open.

 

While they walked, he engaged her in polite conversation.  Chirrut Imwe had introduced himself as a mere steward that worked under a rather grueling cook on the ship that they would be boarding.  He had only recently graduated from peeling carrots to peeling potatoes, though this new line of work was a bit trickier and he missed the days when carrots were all he knew.  Jyn had no idea if those were truths he was sharing or if he was only trying to put her at ease. They way he prattled on felt like it was the latter and she was grateful to him.

 

Coruscant had been her home for fifteen years.  Of course she had dreamed of leaving after the scandal that erupted during her debut, but now that she was forced to go, she felt weary.  It should have been her choice to leave and the terms of her departure should have been her decision not that of her guardian’s. Though she _understood_ that he meant well, she just did not think that the execution was correct.  

 

What she wouldn’t give to find an uninhabited planet that didn’t care for such rules.  But could that be a solution? Was there another way out of her predicament?

 

Quickly, she thought of the fastest way from Coruscant to Yavin IV.  It would be approximately six days if the ship were to take hyperspace routes which meant she had approximately 144 hours standard hours to either commandeer the ship or find a way to escape before landing on Yavin IV.

 

Preoccupied with her thoughts, she had not noticed that she was no longer on the streets and was in fact in the hull of a ship until Chirrut announced her presence.  

 

As her eyes adjusted to the artificial light, she found herself facing a man with a slight build.  He had the air of calm command that immediately seized her attention and made her feel chaotic. With dark hair cut in the style of a Corellian and a beard trimmed much like someone that resided on Stewjon, he seemed to understand the current fashion that muddied the top social circles.  His dark brown waistcoat hung open revealing an egg shell colored linen shirt that was rolled at the sleeves, baring strong, sun-kissed forearms. Dragging her eyes lower, she noted a rather wide belt with intricate patterns that hung low on his hips perfectly accenting his crotch. Her gaze refused to move from that spot.

 

Shit.  What was she doing?

 

Stretching to her full height, she held herself like a queen even though she knew that a blush now bloomed across her cheeks.  Still, she stood shorter than he, the top of her head barely reaching his chin.

 

The man stared at her curiously with intent eyes.  Stepping into her personal space, he asked in a slightly accented voice, “Do I pass?”

 

Furious at herself for being caught and annoyed at him for pointing it out, Jyn did what she had always done when in a fight; she leaned in.  Squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin, she said, “Drop the trousers and we will see.”

 

* * *

 

Cassian knew he was in trouble.  The second that she uttered those words he felt something inside of him come undone.

 

As a captain, he always had to be somewhat detached from his more base emotions.  It was the only thing that helped him keep a level head when making tough decisions.  There had been more than one occasion when betrayal and death were the necessary options to keep his crew alive, but to certify that Rogue One remained in the air.  In the past, he had been called inhuman and he could not disagree.

 

But there was something about her impropriety that challenged him and he felt a sharp need to forget his manners or his objectivity and respond in kind just to see where her blush would spread next.  Shifting under her green gaze, he was about to utter something truly filthy when Chirrut remarked gloomily, “Well, not _all_ of us will see.”

 

Whatever the steward’s intention, it had enough impact to knock sense back into Cassian’s head.  She was betrothed and a way to get a few extra credits; nothing more than that. Though his face remained neutral, he mentally berated himself for that slip.  He couldn’t--or at least shouldn’t--play with her just because she piqued his interest. “We can sit around and judge my _attributes_ another time perhaps, but for now, we should be doing pre-flight checks,” he replied rather stiffly.

 

Turning to his steward, he said, “The lady will be taking the Captain’s quarters for our journey and--”

 

“What about her maid,” Kay cried out from the cockpit.

 

Cassian glanced at her expectantly, but she merely shrugged, her fingers fidgeting.  “She did not have one,” Chirrut supplied when nothing was said.

 

Heavy footsteps stomped from the cockpit into the main hold and Kay was suddenly towering over her.  “Impossible. How did you get dressed in the morning?”

 

She swiveled her head toward the source, a sour look marring her features. “With a whole lot of wiggling and praying to the powers that be,” she replied hotly.  Her hand had traveled to her neck, fiddling with a clear jewel.

 

Turning his head away, Cassian hid a smile.  She was certainly a lively individual.

 

“Society dictates that a lady should not travel in the company of gentlemen without a chaperone of some sort.  Your future husband will not be pleased at your ruined reputation,” Kay continued.

 

“I traveled all the way here with a gentleman and managed not to jump on his crotch,” she hissed back.  

 

“Its true,” Chirrut replied happily.  “No crotch jumping occurred.”

 

An exasperated groan escaped Kay's lips as he glared at Chirrut before returning his attention to the woman.  “Nonetheless, you are our cargo and we will deliver you in one piece and without any complaint.”

 

“Cargo,” she repeated incredulously, her hackles practically raising.

 

“Captain, is she dim?” Kay asked as he turned his focus to Cassian, completely ignoring her in the process.

 

It was slight, but Cassian saw her weight shift to her back leg as her fist closed and he understood in that moment that she knew how to fight.  It was unheard of in proper circles--a lady fighter?

 

He darted forth and rested a hand on her wrist, hoping to delay her from strangling his first mate.  Ignoring the soft warmth of her skin, he instructed, “Kay, finish pre-checks. Chirrut, please escort Lady Erso to the Captain’s quarters.  In the meantime, I will call on an acquaintance to act as a chaperone.”

 

“Another of your _ladies_ , Captain?  Really, that is also quite improper,” Kay said disdainfully.  

 

Ignoring the slight, Cassian slipped down the ramp, yelling, “Controls, Kay--I want this ship ready for take off the second I return.”

 

His eyes darted to _the cargo_ one more time, wondering what other secrets she held.  

 

He had a bad feeling about this.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, her thoughts were running wild and she reeled them back in. It was pointless to follow those whimsies. By the time they broke atmosphere, she planned on escaping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me my spelling and grammar errors. I had most of this story written then decided to dash it all and go a different route. I did leave a hint of where it was supposed to go.

Despite his rather quick departure, she could still feel the warmth of his hand on her wrist.  The second that his long, callused fingers had closed over her, her skin prickled at the sensation and now that he had vanished, she found herself rubbing the spot with her thumb. It wasn't as if no one had touched her wrist before but the lingering feel of his hand would not escape her.

 

Gnashing her teeth together, she threw that thought to the side; now was not the time to think of such banal things.  Right that second, she had to formulate a plan to leave and thinking of silly things like warm eyes and gentle caresses were not helping matters.  Turning away from the doors, she forced her hand to her side and followed Chirrut.

 

“I apologize for Lord Kay,” he chirped kindly from beside her.  A small smile adorned his lips, as if he had found something amusing while his hands were clasped tightly around the handle of her carpet bag.  

 

Even though the ship was cramped, Chirrut showed her around to help acquaint her with the layout but it was quite small and she did not think she would have any trouble remembering where everything was located.  From the scrapes in the durasteel walls, there were signs that it had been reconstructed several times to include a somewhat large room that held several bunks stacked on top of one another, and a small closet that held a slightly larger cot.  It was in that room that Chirrut dropped her luggage. 

 

She quickly scanned the captain’s quarters, but other than a trunk, it was strangely bare. “He’s a bit intense,” Jyn began, careful to keep her tone neutral, “though Kay did have a point.  It would be considered improper for me to travel alone without a chaperone.” 

 

“Not all rules are meant to be followed,” he replied and Jyn stilled so suddenly, wondering if he had read her mind.  However, the old man did not seem to waver or show any sign that he was being cryptic. Instead, he pointed to a door opposite of the captain’s quarters.  “Only sonic we have--you’ll have to share, if you don’t mind.” 

 

She began to shake her head but remembered that he would not be able to see the movement.  “Not at all.”

 

Turning to the left, there was a small hallway that housed a few screens and a headset which Jyn found interesting.  Her fingers itched to touch the controls but she held off knowing that it was not the right time; she could not break into the computer with someone next to her.   

 

At the end of the hallway was a small galley where a large burly man with curly hair was chopping something pink.  In front of him was a stove with two burners, one with a large pot that was steaming and the other with a frying pan that had butter melting in it.  Everything smelled delicious and she felt her stomach pang at how empty it was. When was the last time she ate?

 

The cook looked up and caught her staring.  Sighing or letting out an annoyed grunt--she couldn't tell which--he turned and reached into a wooden box and pulled out a hand pie.  The cook said, “Tell no one,” then dropped it into her hands before going back to work. 

 

Jyn turned to glance at Chirrut who now wore a frown.  “That was terrible, Baze. You need to work on your flirting skills.”

 

Baze rolled his eyes.  “You're supposed to be peeling potatoes.”

 

“It’s too difficult.  There are too many nooks and crannies.”

 

“Potatoes do not have nooks and crannies.  Muffins do.”

 

“I've been peeling muffins?”

 

A soft laugh escaped her lips and she was shocked by it.  When was the last time she laughed? It was a strange feeling.  For as long as she could remember, she had been coached not to fidget and to remain quiet even though all she wanted to do was fight and scream.  With a vague sense of dread, Jyn realized that she had taken a liking to the men who stood before her. They were kind and odd in a way that made her feel like she fit in with them.  What it would be like to be part of this crew? 

 

Again, her thoughts were running wild and she reeled them back in.  It was pointless to follow those whimsies. By the time they broke atmosphere, she planned on escaping.

 

Jyn bit into the hand pie while the two men bickered and it melted in her mouth.  The delicious flavors of exotic berries burst all over her tongue and she had to shut her eyes at the sensation.  When she finally recovered, she managed to whisper, “What is this?”

 

The cook glanced at her, startled.  “My own creation.”

 

A look of wonder passed across her face as she glanced back down at the hand pie.  Scratch escaping. She was going to commandeer the ship and all the crew sans Kay--maybe she could shoot him out of an airlock--and become a sky pirate.

 

* * *

 

Cassian was out of breath by the time he burst through the doors of the local tavern.  There were still a dozen or so patrons there, men of varying ages and statuses sitting at tables and chatting idly while the staff served them brew.  His eyes darted around until he found her in the midst of wiping the bar down. A woman with dark hair and eyes stared at him with astonishment before she threw her dish towel away and stomped toward him from behind the counter.  He knew that look on her face and he held up his hands.

 

Even though she was pissed, as exhibited in the way her eyes blazed at him and the crease between her brows, she was trying her best to look seductive.  “Back for more?” she breathed, though there was an edge to it that made his stomach drop. One of her fists gripped the lapel of his waistcoat. Jerking her arm, she turned on her heel and sauntered into the storeroom, a trill of whoops and whistles following them.  Cassian, for his part, made sure to plaster a goofy smile on his lips and dropped his head so that his hair could hide most of his features from other patrons.

 

Once they were alone, she released him and whirled around.  Anxiousness overtook her anger, though her voice still revealed her displeasure.  “You’re supposed to be out of here already,” she scolded. 

 

Captain Jan Ors of Rebel Intelligence, or as she was more commonly known on planet, Jan Strange, bar wench of the Nexu Claw Tavern, turned away from him and kicked at a pallet on the ground.  In all his years working with her, Cassian had never seen her so agitated. Something was wrong and clearly causing her to lose her composure. Walking up to her, he laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and she looked at him startled.  For a moment, she only stared at him before her face fell. “You okay?” he asked uncertainly.

 

“Give me a second,” she replied honestly and looked back down at her feet.  He could see her breathing deeply using the same techniques she had taught him as a young recruit.  When her shoulders slumped, he took a step back and waited. “Krennic is locking down the planet. No one leaves or enters.”

 

Suddenly, his back was rigid and he was much more alert.  Coruscant was rarely under lock down so whatever was happening was significant.  “When did this decree happen?”

 

“Twenty standard minutes ago, though it hasn’t been made official yet.  The higher ups recently left my establishment and headed down to the docks--you must have just passed them.  There’s probably fifteen more minutes before it is announced to the public.” She reached up and mussed his hair.  Taking the hint, he pulled his shirt from his pants, and worked at making himself look like he just had a tussle. Jan, in turn, smudged her makeup with her hands and shook out her hair.

 

“Any leads?”

 

She unlooped her bodice, slightly.  “From the whispers in the bar, a girl he wants has gone missing.”

 

It was too coincidental and in their line of work, there was no such thing.  While undoing his belt, he told Jan the facts. First, a job appeared on the boards, then a girl surfaced on his ship heading to the exact same planet he needed to go to, and some unnamed benefactor was paying them good credits to make her disappear from Coruscant.  

 

After a moment, she said, “If Krennic wants her, then its best that she leaves.”

 

He agreed but there was still one problem.  “She doesn’t have a chaperone.”

 

“Fuck,” she muttered.  Reaching up, she shook out her hair a little more.  “Take Yarna--she’s old and sleeps all day, but she’ll do the trick.”

 

Cassian ran through the list of women that he remembered receiving back when Jan was named a contact.  Yarna was the oldest woman that worked at the bar. Could she see? Yes. Could she hear? Debatable. Could she walk?  Undetermined.

 

“Don’t look so petulant,” Jan admonished as she pulled out a key from her apron.  “Take my hoverbike and get out of here as fast as possible. I’ll keep my ears open and find out why this Erso person is so valuable.”

 

Grabbing the key, Cassian said, “Don’t die.  Katarn will have my head if you do.” Mentioning her lover’s name, he watched the blush bloom across her cheeks, knowing that it would help in the guise as having tumbled in the store room as well as serving as a way to tease her.  Bending over her hand he kissed her knuckles and dashed toward the door.

 

* * *

 

Her dress was singed by the time she was done.  Replacing the panels on the wall to hide any evidence of her tampering, she was less than thrilled to realize that they weren't staying in place.  She caught them before they clattered back to the ground but it wouldn't do to have a hole from the captain’s quarters to the hallway where the computer hubs were located.  “Cheap piece of shit,” she murmured under her breath.

 

Biting her lip, Jyn looked around the sparse room and her eyes landed on the trunk.  It was sturdy and tall enough so it might do the trick. With a lot of effort, she shoved the piece of furniture against the wall and froze.  Was that yelling she heard?

 

Tilting her head, she listened intently and heard the groan of a ramp retreating and felt the ship shudder.  Another curse slipped from her lips and, kneeling on the top of the trunk, she crammed the panels back on to the wall, barely being held in place by the metal trim of the case.  It would have to do for now.

 

The yelling grew more adamant and suddenly the door swooshed open.  Jyn jumped up, spinning on her toe. She was greeted by the sight of the captain, his head turned while he looked at something down the hallway. He carried yards of colorful cloth and taffeta bundled at his chest.  

 

Before she could formulate a coherent thought, he turned back and their gazes clashed once again.  Watching his jaw flex as his eyes darkened, he stalked into the room and a twinge of electricity shot through her entire body. 

 

“Move!” he barked.

 

_ Like, spread her legs or…? _

 

Suddenly the cloth and taffeta was hurled in her direction and Jyn barely managed to dodge the projectile as it flew passed her shoulder and landed on the cot.  She stared at the heap of material and noticed that it was...breathing. Tentatively, she stepped forward and ran her hand through the cloth until an old, wrinkled face appeared.

 

Her body reacted and she tried to punch it.  Cassian, who was excruciatingly close behind her, wrapped his arms around her middle and pulled her away before she could make contact with the unidentified enemy.  “Don’t,” he began, his breath caressing her cheek. Jyn shivered in his embrace and quickly grew humiliated--there was no way he did not feel that.

 

Taking a deep breath, Jyn yanked herself away from him and glared.  He appeared slightly disheveled and his eyelids had suddenly dropped, making him look bored with the entire ordeal.  “What is it?” Jyn barked.

 

“Your chaperone.”

 

“My...is she even alive?”

 

“More or less.”

 

The ship lurched violently, and she flew forward, taking note of the sounds of something skidding followed by the sound of something else clattering.  Her hands soared and clamped down on his sturdy shoulders while his long fingers spread around her waist, sending shards of warmth to the pit of her stomach.  Carefully, she raised her eyes and found his lips so very close to her own. 

 

She licked her lips and his stare dropped to follow the movement.

 

“Okay?” he asked.  She nodded but he still didn’t let go.  Neither did she.

 

“We’re getting push back, Captain,” a voice buzzed between them.  She could recognize it as that of Kay’s and her eyes scanned Cassian’s lapel.  One of the cleverly designed buttons was actually a small comm system. “They are initiating lock down procedures.”

 

A weary expression blossomed in his eyes and there was a slight pressure on her hips as he squeezed her tighter.  Dipping his head, he whispered in her ear, “You better be worth it,” and then dashed out.

 

Shock flooded her system and she couldn’t move for about two seconds.  Suddenly, she followed him, running the short distance to the cockpit where the captain stood between Kay and another man she had not yet met.  

 

“Bodhi,” Cassian said and the man named Bodhi pressed a button, allowing them to hear the commands of the control tower.  

 

“...denied-- you are not authorized to leave.”

 

“They are closing the shield gate,” Kay commented.  “It will shut completely in fifty-three standard seconds and counting.”

 

“Estimated time to reach the shield?” Cassian asked while Bodhi began the ascent.

 

“Eighty-two seconds.  You should have bought the extra boosters as I recommended.”

 

She was hoping it would not come to this, but if she didn’t do anything, the odds of their escape were low and she would inadvertently disobey Saw’s final order.  Reaching forward, she grabbed Cassian’s sleeve, staring at him earnestly as he turned toward her. “I can bypass it--make the gate hesitate for as long as it takes to leave but I need access to the ship’s control panel,” Jyn declared.    

 

Kay made a distasteful sound.  “That would be unwise.”

 

“We’re out of options.  Bodhi--fly.” 

 

There was turbulence and the ship was hurled to and fro, flashes of red light shined through the windows blinding Jyn in the process.  Long, callused fingers curled around her hand and Cassian led her to the hallway with the ship’s computers and radio systems. 

 

He typed in his passcode with his free hand, the one final thing she needed, and stepped back, letting her go.  She committed his passcode to memory and then stepped in front of the monitor. Resting her fingers on the keyboard, she could feel his penetrating gaze burning into her back.  He didn’t have to say that if she failed, they were all stuck.

 

_ No pressure. _

 

She took a deep breath in and let it out, feeling her body loosen up.  

 

Without a word, her hands flew over the keys, as she began to bypass line after line of code, wading deeper and deeper into the Coruscanti computers.  It was easy and something Saw had her practicing as a child when she refused to learn how to be a lady. For hours, rather than knitting or learning any tunes on the pianoforte, she was in her room, cracking code after code from his friends and his enemies, searching for information that would be beneficial.  Trying her best to gain a smile or at least a nod from her foster father she worked tirelessly, improving greatly in a short period of time.  She wanted to hear him say that he appreciated her.

 

He never did.

 

She found a sequence of basic code that was the key to the gate and nearly laughed.  It was too easy--too basic and so like the Courscanti. She disrupted the sequence.

 

Suddenly, the ship shuddered one final time before everything stilled.

 

“You’re fucking kidding me,” Bodhi whispered over the comms.

 

“Quit gawking, Bodhi,” Kay admonished.

 

From behind her, she heard Cassian chuckle.  It was a low rumble that seemed to make her feel warmer.  “Well done, Erso,” he said. “Bodhi, get us out of here. Take basic maneuvers,” the captain commanded.

 

“The fact that our basic maneuvers is a normal person’s aerobatic maneuver is slightly worrying,” Kay commented until she heard a click.  Jyn whirled around when she realized that Cassian had shut off his comms unit. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed while watching her...assessing her.

 

She fidgeted.

 

“Lady.  Fighter.  Hacker,” he said slowly.  “Is there something else that I'm missing, Lady Erso?”

 

Standing her ground, knowing that she might have already revealed too much about her skills, she responded, “You forgot remarkably beautiful.”

 

A slow smile spread across his lips and she found that she quite liked it.  “Of course. Please forgive me.”

 

“You see, Baze?” Chirrut interrupted the both of them and Jyn glanced over her shoulder to see Chirrut peeling potatoes beside Baze who was stirring something in a pot.  “ _ That _ is how you flirt.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments. 
> 
> A small side note on Jan Ors (and Kyle Katarn): I am ancient enough to have played the Dark Forces series that had the original story line of how the Death Star plans were stolen from the Empire. I always felt that Jan was a BAMF (double agent) and there was a lot of her in Cassian Andor...so I wanted to tie her in as his mentor. Hope that translated!


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I fear, in the end, it will trouble you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for such a late post (I thought I would post weekly) but lo and behold, work literally got in the way. Now I am sick; however, it did give me time to write the next chapter. 
> 
> Thank you to every comment and/or kudo. It helps me continue this tale!

Draven stared at the Lady Mothma, his mouth agape for once in his life.  “This is not a good idea,” he whispered, feeling his hands curl into fists.  Never in his life had he felt as helpless as this but he would do whatever was necessary for the rebellion.

 

“It is the only one I have.”  Unlike most women of their age, the Duchess wore her hair short, the strawberry blonde locks shorn to the top of her neck to commemorate the passing of her husband.  Along with the rituals of Yavin and Aldaraan, she wore snow white to show that she was in mourning and would do so for the next year. “If you have a better idea, I'd love to hear it.”

 

She stood at the large windows of her estate and was staring into the horizon as if it had all the answers in the world.  In a softer voice, she said, “Marriage with Lady Erso will ensure the support of Lord Garrera and all who follow his voice.  We will need it for what is to come.”

 

War.  

 

She did not have to say it as the fever was spreading across the galaxy.  But Intel from his best agents had shown him that people will not be enough in the fight.  There was a much greater threat than any of them had ever been prepared for. Still, Saw’s people, though chaotic and intense, would do well to help their cause.  It would be a favorable alliance, he admitted. 

 

“What would you have me do?” he asked.

 

A strained smile barely brightened her face as she turned toward him.  Her hands were gripped so tight that her knuckles were white. “Smile, Draven.  We have a wedding to plan."

 

* * *

 

Cassian was at the helm, in control of his ship while the rest of his crew enjoyed a late dinner.  Despite hours of not being pursued after losing their tails, he still made sure to scan the stars and listen for anything that might make their luck less favorable.  It was overly cautious of him, but that was the only reason he was not dead yet.

 

There was a bit of laughter, Bodhi’s as well as Chirrut’s, and he turned his head to the side to catch a glimpse of Lady Erso’s rose colored cheeks as she tried her best to clench her teeth to restrain herself from laughing.  

 

It was something he had noticed about her in the short amount of time that he had come to know her; she was very disciplined.  Unlike women of her age, she dressed conservatively in a high neck dress with long sleeves that cinched at her forearm. The material was durable and thick, meant to last for decades rather than the next season.  Her hair was not even done elaborately as was the style of the coruscanti nobility--it was merely a low bun knotted at the back of her neck with strands of hair loosely falling around her face. It was as if she were trying her best to be unremarkable.  Yet, there was something in her that yearned to escape; he had seen it so clearly in her eyes earlier that day.

 

Prior to dinner, Baze had pulled him by the back of his neck and led him to the captain’s quarters.  “Lady’s are to be escorted to dinner,” he instructed.

 

“Telling me would have been easier than dragging me here,” Cassian muttered. 

 

“And it would have been half as much fun.”  There was a glimmer of humor in his otherwise serious face.  “Stand tall, Captain.”

 

Cassian did as he was told, stretching to his full height.  “Chirrut or Bodhi would have sufficed.”

 

The elder man rolled his eyes and knocked lightly on the door.  “She is a guest on  _ your _ ship so you are required to escort her.  Hold your arm out at a 45 degree angle and try not to make her uncomfortable. I will escort Lady Yarna.” 

 

The door swished open, revealing a bewildered looking Jyn.  She glanced from Baze to Cassian and stepped back, her hands at her skirts and her large green eyes, defiant.  Stepping forward, Cassian offered her his arm, hoping that it was of satisfaction. Judging from Baze’s snort, it was not. “Dinner?” he asked.

 

She merely stared at it as if his arm was an offending appendage.  He understood it wasn’t as burly as Baze, who already had lifted Yarna from the bed and was strolling out, but it was all he had to work with.  Again, he took another step forward until he was in her orbit. 

 

“May I?”

 

It looked as if she were about to decline, her lips already turned down in a frown, but she surprised him by saying, “You may.”

 

Reaching out, he held her fisted hand in his then gently guided it up until it encircled his bicep, her eyes following the movement curiously.  Her fingers slowly uncurled and laid flat against him. There was such a troubled look on her face that an apology sprang to his lips.

 

Suddenly, she looked up and he did not realize how close they were until that moment.  There were gold flecks in the sea of green of her eyes, like stardust following the tail of a shooting star.  Her body heat flared against his and he wanted nothing more than to shove her against the wall and feel every soft curve of her body molding against his while kissing the defiance out of her.  Her scent was intoxicating, a mix of exotic berries and something so uniquely her. 

 

He hungered for her.

 

Cassian shook his head slightly.  In less than a second his self-control came away from him, unraveling.  What was wrong with him? It was possible that he may be in need of a vacation... or a psych evaluation.

 

Her eyes were unwavering and he felt himself falling into their depths. “I feel like you are having a hard time staying away from me,” she said to fill the silence.  

 

“I didn’t know that I was supposed to keep my distance.”  

 

“My general temperament and lack of style has not chased you away?”  The way she said it with the curl of her lips, made him believe she was reciting something someone had told her in the past.

 

Bringing his free hand up, he tilted her chin higher so that she wouldn't look away.   Removing any walls that he usually hid behind, he told her in all honesty, “Actually, I find you interesting.” 

 

There was a flash of disbelief that gradually disappeared the longer she stared at him. Her eyes seemed to delve deeper, searching into his very soul until she could see nothing but truth.  “You would be the first,” she replied timidly.

 

Dipping low, his lips brushing against her temple, he whispered in her ear, “How lucky am I to be your first?”

 

As he straightened, he caught sight of her crimson cheeks.  Her own gaze dipped to his lips and he wondered if tasting an already engaged noble was considered ungentlemanly.  It would be something he would have to ask Baze who seemed to know all that proper etiquette.

 

“Hey!”  Bodhi cried out!  “What’s taking so long?  We’re hungry!”

 

Whatever spell that was ensnaring him was broken and the corner of his lip twitched upward.  “Shall we? Before the riot ensues?”

 

A soft smile adorned her lips and he felt that he was witnessing a precious gift.  It was she who had taken the first step and he found himself following her rather than guiding her to the table.  It was only a short distance from the room, but when they stepped into the main hold, where dinner was usually served every night, he felt her pause and he stopped with her.

 

It was not a typical dining area.  There was a very long glass table that sat quite low to the floor.  Various dishes of differing sizes were filled with delicious smelling foods.  Surrounding the table were several types of cushions that looked quite soft. Bodhi was already seated on one of the pillows, his legs crossed, and Baze was on the opposite side smiling politely while talking quietly with Yarna.  Part of him suspected that he was trying to keep Yarna awake. Meanwhile, Chirrut appeared with a pot of soup. 

 

Cassian indicated one end of the table and followed her to that cushion.  “Not exactly normal, but with our lack of room, it is the best we can offer.”

 

“It’s perfect,” she remarked with that little smile.

 

He watched as she sank down slowly, her movement fluid as if she had done the act several times.  Adjusting her skirts around her body, he caught sight of a dark singe that had not been there when she first entered his ship.  Narrowing his gaze, he wondered how that could have possibly happened when he heard Kay approaching.

 

Bowing low, he said, “Now, I must take my leave.”

 

“You’re not staying?” she asked, trying to hide her surprise.

 

Bodhi scoffed.  “He says he prefers to eat alone, but really he wants us to eat our fill without having to worry about not having enough.”  

 

“That's why Baze cooks more items than necessary,” Chirrut said. 

 

“You mean his goal isn't to fatten us up?” Bodhi interjected.

 

“He cooks the correct amount of vitamin filled cuisine to sustain us,” Kay replied while plopping down across from Jyn, the plates rattling around him.  “It is lucky that it is not as bland as Yavin cuisine.”

 

Chirrut continued as if he hadn't been interrupted.  “Both won't admit it but they're rather nice.”

 

Cassian glared at Chirrut and distrusted the sly grin that the elder man wore.  Having known the man for years, that smile only meant trouble for his crew and for him.   It appeared that Baze also had the same idea as he focused his attention on that grin as well.

 

“Please don't misunderstand,” Bodhi said slowly from where he sat, a grin lighting his face.  “They are both scumbags, lower than the dirt on the bottom of your shoe.”

 

“A family of scum?” she asked slowly.  “Is it better than no family at all?” Again, Cassian's eyes snapped toward her.  Despite how lightly she made the comment, pain was evident in her words. 

 

“Speak for yourselves.  I'm an angel and a saint,” Kay said disdainfully.  

 

Bodhi snorted. “Bullsh--"

 

“Rook,” Kay interrupted.  “There are ladies present.”

 

“It is okay,” Jyn said with a soft smile.  “I don’t mind. I've said worse myself.” 

 

“But what about Yarna?”

 

Baze leaned back revealing the woman in question who was puddled on the floor.  “I doubt she'll mind, either. She’s sleeping.”

 

They continued to chat amiably and took no notice of Cassian as he headed into the cockpit without a backward glance.  The strange thought of how Jyn Erso fit so easily with his rather mismatched crew kept wriggling into the forefront of his mind and it was beginning to be distracting.  He had to reprimand himself multiple times for not paying attention to the skies and for wanting desperately to join his crew at the table. 

 

Even if she fit in so very well, her time with them was limited.

 

Why that realization irritated him was something he did not want to delve too deeply into.  All he knew at that very moment was that he had to get rid of her quickly. Glancing at the controls, he set the course for Yavin IV.  

 

His brow furrowed.  

 

The course was strange.  The hours to get to Yavin was almost double what it should have taken.

 

He re-entered the information and watched as the computer spat out a list of coordinates that he knew was nowhere near his intended destination.  Grabbing Bodhi’s journal and pencil, he did a bit of math and found that the coordinates would lead them to a small planet called Lah’mu.

 

_ The fuck? _

 

Pursing his lips, he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.  Someone messed with the systems and it took all of one guess to know exactly who it was.  Singed dress. Loose panels in the captain's quarters, that he still had to fix. Shocked, defiant expression when the door opened.  Hacker capabilities. 

 

As to why Lah’mu he had no clue.  From his understanding, it was a desolate planet that was filled with a population of less than 500.  The rebellion had overlooked it but there was quite a bit of fertile land that could feed many, many beings.  One of his many assignments was recruitment, especially for needed supplies, so it wouldn't necessarily be an inconvenience if they made a stop there.

 

Then again, she was supposed to be married soon and they needed the money that would come  _ after _ completing the job 

 

What should he do? 

 

* * *

 

Jyn was surprised to see Kay washing the dishes after everyone started clearing the table. “I have a particular standard for cleanliness and was told to either clean them myself or quit complaining.  I chose to wash them.”

 

Handing the dirty dishes she had gathered to him, she said,  “Very diplomatic of you.”

 

“Yes, I agree.”  While he scrubbed them he said, “I must recalculate my opinion of you, Lady Erso.  You're not as vapid as you appear.”

 

Before she could choke him, Chirrut appeared with a tray and some of the leftovers.  “If you could, would you give these to Cassian? Yarna has already retired and I am able to help Kay with the dishes.”

 

Jyn narrowed her gaze at the man, knowing exactly what he was doing, but she took the tray anyway and headed to the cockpit.  The last thing she should probably do was murder a member of the crew (even if he begged for it).

 

Walking through the hallway, she found that she enjoyed the soft, comforting hum of the ship.  The in-door lighting shifted so they were softer, or dimmer, the space version of night. Bodhi and Baze were heading into their barracks as she passed, their eyes sleep stained but they still nodded to her and wished her sweet dreams which were sentiments she had always imagined receiving but never had the opportunity to have until that moment.  In retrospect, she should have been tired as well but she was wide awake. 

 

Dinner was unexpected.  All the anxiety she felt about eating with people were squashed the second Bodhi began speaking animatedly.  In all her years, she could not remember having fun at dinner as she had always dined alone. A thoughtful smile adorned her lips and she wondered if that was how it was to be part of this crew.

 

It was a dangerous thought that she immediately squashed.  What was the point of hoping when it got her nowhere.

 

The cockpit was quiet when she stepped through the threshold.  She slipped into the seat next to the captain and turned her chair, resting the tray on her lap.  Cassian, for his part, looked to be deep in thought.

 

“Hungry?”

 

“Famished.”

 

If she was disappointed that he did not turn to look at her, she tried not show it.  “Well, then, you're in luck.”

 

She handed him a bowl and utensils, her hands accidentally brushing against his and a shock of electricity caused her to whip her fingers away quickly.  What was wrong with her? She had touched plenty of men’s hands before--why was she acting like a fool when it came to him? 

 

Offering her a tired smile, he said, “Normally the guys leave the tray and head to bed.”

 

Setting the tray on the console, she pulled her feet up onto the chair and rested her chin on her knees.  “I'm not tired yet.”

 

She listened to the utensils bumping into the edge of the bowl, the clinking sound ringing around her.  It was surprisingly peaceful sitting beside him, watching the stars in the endless inky black sky. It felt like a dream. It felt like a home.

 

“Why Lah’mu?”

 

Her body froze and the peace shattered around her.  Turning her gaze toward him, expecting to see his wrath, she was surprised to notice that he was calmly eating while keeping his eyes on the console.  The soft light of the controls lit the edges of his profile but his body was mostly swallowed by the darkness. 

 

Should she lie?  

 

And even as the lie formed on her lips, she found that she could not say it.  “It was where I lived,” she said stiltedly, “...before Coruscant...it was the last place where I felt happy.”  Her hand traveled to the jewel around her neck, fingers glided on the warm crystal helping center her nerves. 

 

“So you want to go there and…be happy?”

 

“Isn't that  _ the  _ goal for everyone?” she replied evasively. “Happiness?”

 

He was thoughtful as he set the bowl down.  All of his movements were slow, purposeful, as if he feared that he might startle her if he moved any faster.  He was right. “For most people,” he said softly as his eyes finally landed on her. “What's  _ your _ goal?”

 

Jyn gripped the crystal, asking it for strength.  She had not spoken this thought since she was a child and now she was going to confess to an utter stranger.  Maybe it was because she didn’t know him and did not fear him judging her that she was able to say the words. "I want to know what happened.  I have memories of it but it gets dark...I need to go back.”

 

“You’re needed in Yavin.”

 

Dropping the crystal, Jyn suddenly sprang up leaned toward him.  He may not have made the arrangements, but he was the only person around and she needed to take her anger out on someone.  Jabbing him in the chest with her index finger, a small bit of satisfaction flooded through her when she saw him sink back into his seat, his eyes transfixed on her.  “I never wanted to give my body away to someone I don’t even know. Would you? Would you go quietly as a trophy or bargaining chip into the unknown?”

 

When he didn’t reply, she turned and stared out into space.  Her arms crossed over her body, protectively. “I can’t go to Yavin.  That is not the path I choose for myself. Lah’mu, though…” She would disappoint Saw by doing this but she had to fight; it was all she knew how to do.  “Pretend that you’ve lost me--pretend that I was taken and there was nothing you could do.”

 

She could feel him behind her, his strong, protective warmth against her back.  His hands were light against her shoulders, giving her enough space to move away from him if she chose to do so.  She did not. Instead, she leaned back against him.

 

“A detour, then.  If you somehow get lost on planet, I won’t search for you.  Deal?”

 

It was a kind gesture and she knew he was losing profits for this.  Not to mention the anger that he would have to deal with when his crew figured it out.  “Deal.”

 

* * *

 

Three standard days later, Cassian sat in the cockpit while Kay slipped into the seat next to him.  It was just after breakfast and Kay was relieving Cassian so he could eat. Behind them, they heard Jyn’s voice, biting and caustic as she debated a point that Chirrut was making.  

 

He turned briefly to see her making giant hand gestures which caused Bodhi to throw his head back in hysterics.  She was so … so...

 

“She’s louder than I thought a gentlewoman would be,” Kay breathed while Cassian stood and stretched.

 

“Does it trouble you?”  Cassian asked as he adjusted his vest.

 

For a long moment, his first mate and best friend stared at him.  Finally, Kay replied cryptically, “I fear, in the end, it will trouble you.” 


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t know how to dance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left kudos or comments! It keeps me going, especially when I am swamped with work and life and work and life.
> 
> Unfortunately, I have not had a chance to do a re-write of this so it is a little...raw? Please forgive me. I hope to one day add to it.

Five

 

Jan stared darkly at the image as it slowly dissipated, the loud hum diminishing as the small droid cut off the projection.  She couldn't believe what she had seen but there was no doubt that it was anything but true. The recent activity in the docks and the generally quiet murmur from the patrons that visited her tavern started to make sense. 

 

So many people…

 

She heard the little droid’s trill and kneeled next to it.  “I can't believe this exists either, little one,” she whispered back.  Fighting off a wave of nausea, Jan petted the dome of the little droid’s head and felt it lean against her.  “I need you to do one more mission, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

 

The little droid, who had been introduced to her as BB8 by a pilot that frequented the docks, rolled slightly back.  It’s dome like head swiveled and another trill of sound enveloped Jan. 

 

“No, no more recordings, but I do need you off planet--we need to get that info to Draven as fast as possible.”

 

BB8 rolled around her feet, expressing it’s acceptance and enthusiasm for the role and immediately, Jan’s heart warmed.  The little thing had a heart of a hero. 

 

“You’re a brave one, aren’t you?”

 

This time, the trill that she heard was more solemn and she picked up the rather heavy droid and cradled it in her arms.  Sometimes, she needed reminders such as the one the droid relayed, especially in the heart of the Empire, away from her love and her friends.

 

“Indeed.  It isn’t about bravery--it’s about doing what you know is right.  I’m so glad that Shara keeps you around.”

 

A soft whistle followed by beeps answered her and she felt a giggle bubble up in the pit of her stomach. 

 

“Exactly, someone has to keep that pilot level headed.”

 

* * *

 

On the fifth day, there was something wrong with his ship.  As Bodhi and Cassian crept out of the ship’s guts, grease and dirt smearing their bodies, they discussed what other fixes they could perform with what little they had.  Frustration was evident on the pilot’s face when he stopped in the middle of the hall and said, “We’ve messed with it enough, Cassian. It just needs new parts.”

 

“New parts require credits,” Cassian replied as he leaned against the wall and shoved his hands in his pockets.  He knew Bodhi was right, but they weren’t exactly rolling around in cash. The old parts that he did have were slowly deteriorating with the new type of lubricant that was issued by the Empire and their fuel lines had too many holes in it that they were losing fuel quickly.  They only just managed to stop a few leaks but not before other parts were drenched with fluid. It took them the better part of the day just to clean up.

 

“Well, we could take on a few quick jobs,” Bodhi replied.  “Kay has been keeping an eye on the message boards so I bet he can find a few things that we could do for right now.  We would have to halt the Lady’s transport for a few days but at least the ship will be flying.”

 

A few side jobs would probably be their only way of getting new parts, since they were never going to complete Jyn’s transport.  “Fine, but nothing too wet.” 

 

In the distance, Chirrut cried out in a dramatic voice, “You don’t know how to dance?” 

 

Without warning, Bodhi suddenly straightened and a look of fear adorned his large, dark eyes.   In a strained voice, Bodhi said, “O-Okay. I will now converse with Kay a-about this.”

 

Cassian, who had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, suddenly knew that his crew had mutinied against his wishes somehow.  “We can comm him from here.”

 

The corner of Bodhi’s eye twitched, a tell-tale sign that he was trying to figure out how to lie.  “I haven’t seen Kay in a while and I miss his... face?”

 

Cassian blanched.  “Don’t do this, Bodhi.”

 

Leaning forward, the pilot whispered sadly, “I fear Chirrut more than I fear you.”  He made three quick movements with his hand that Cassian knew was Jedhan for  _ May the Force protect your soul.   _ It was only used on soldiers about to enter war and those sentenced to death _. _

 

Clenching his jaw, he watched Bodhi turn on his heel and march toward the cockpit.  “Traitor.”

 

“Captain, some help, please.”

 

Following Chirrut’s voice, Cassian found himself in the captain’s quarters, Jyn sitting next to the sleeping Yarna while Chirrut sat on top of his chest with a long walking stick held in his hands.  Jyn did not appear to be happy as she eyed the older man, her plump lips turned down. One of her hands was gripping the crystal that she wore while the other was clamped to her knee. She had changed frocks, he noticed, to something more flowy around her ankles and revealed more of her shoulders.  

 

“Chirrut, what are you doing?” Cassian asked, feeling a tad bit dirty.  Sweat was dripping down his neck and the smell of grease competed with the lovely scent that Jyn always wore.

 

The smile on the elder man’s face stretched, reminding him of a prankster demon that his mother used to read to him from one of the Festian fairytales books.  “Helping a damsel in distress.”

 

The frown that Jyn wore darkened at the word damsel.  Her hand gripped the crystal harder, causing her knuckles to turn a dangerous white.

 

As if sensing his poor choice of words, the smile on Chirrut’s face disappeared and he tilted his head in a thoughtful manner.  “How can one not dance on their wedding day? We must prepare Lady Jyn since we seem to be taking a very long time in getting her to her destination.”

 

The color drained from Jyn’s face and she dropped her crystal.  Immediately, she swiveled her eyes toward the Captain and a small crease appeared between her eyebrows.   _ Does he know? _ she seemed to ask.  Cassian, who was used to the way that Chirrut always seemed to know just a little more than everyone else, shrugged then nodded.   _ Probably _ .

 

Turning his attention back to the elder man, he said, “Then prepare her.  I have to check in with Kay about the message boards.”

 

The walking stick bounced up and down once, clacking on the floor loudly, betraying Chirrut’s annoyance.  “That can be done later, Captain,” the older man replied sweetly. “Right now would be a good time to dance.”

 

“So, you dance.”

 

“I am blind.”

 

“That hasn’t stopped you from navigating through the world.  Besides, Baze and I know that you are a fine dancer.”

 

“But I am getting old in age and my bones don’t agree with me any longer.”

 

“Why is that only an issue when you don’t want to do something?”

 

“Because that is wisdom, young Captain.  You will require it in the future. Now, you know what to do.”

 

For a few more seconds, Cassian glared at the older man then shook his head imperceptibly.  Bodhi was right; no one ever defied Chirrut because they were all too afraid of him. Even Kay who was the most argumentative of the bunch, would back down once Chirrut’s smile disappeared. 

 

Knowing that he shouldn’t dirty her dress, Cassian unbuttoned his outer garments and with one quick movement, shoved them off of his body.  The undershirt he was wearing was more than adequate enough to cover his top half though it was sweat stained and clung to his chest like a second skin.  Dropping the excess clothes to the side, he took three long strides forward, stopped in front of Jyn and bowed in the way that Baze had taught him--with his back straight.  He then held out his hand, frowning at the dirt streaks that lined his fingers.

 

Jyn stared at him for a moment, her pupils large, nearly drowning out the green irises, before her eyes traveled to his fingers. Lightly, she clasped it with her own.  Rising smoothly, she looked up at the captain, who took a few steps backward while she took a few forward until they both stood in the center of the captain’s quarters.  It was small, but it would have to do--at least the other people on the ship would not be watching in on this.

 

Learning to dance was a requirement in intelligence.  It was taught to him when he was barely ten years of age and with each new season and each new dance, he found himself having to re-learn.  Personally, he preferred the wild dances of Aldaraan and Fest that required passion and flare rather than the polite distance that the Coruscanti kept.  

 

Gently, he placed one hand on her hip and with the other, he held her hand away and at a particular height.

 

Chirrut uncurled himself from the chest and with the stick, poked Jyn in the back of her knees until she shuffled closer to Cassian and then bumped the stick at Cassian’s elbow.  “Too far--move it in so she can reach. Jyn, put your hand on his shoulder--yes, I know he stinks and he’s dirty all over, but please do what you can.”

 

When Cassian could feel her chest against his, knowing full well that Chirrut had pushed her too close, he looked down and could see a smile battling with her frown.  “You could always decline,” he whispered.

 

“I kind of enjoy watching him pick on you.”

 

Smiling, he said, “So you would endure this just to watch me suffer.”

 

She pretended to think about it and then blurted out, “Yes.”

 

“Wench,” he playfully hissed back before Chirrut thwaked him in the back side.  Involuntarily, his hips thrusted forward, smacking against her and he had to apologize while wishing that the blush would quickly remove itself from his cheeks.

 

“Manners, Captain.”

 

Realigning themselves, they stood still as Chirrut explained the details of the waltz and how it was significant in higher circles but having heard all of that before, Cassian let his mind wander.  Watching Jyn closely while she stared at Chirrut, listening to every word, he couldn’t help but admire her in her entirety.

 

Since the first night of her arrival, she had been chosen to bring him his dinner.  Together, they would fly as silent as they wanted to be or as talkative if they felt so inclined.  It was while everyone was asleep that she began to open up, letting him into her her world as she spoke of her past on Lah’mu or at least what she could remember of it.  Like him, she had lost her family early but where the rebellion had found him, Saw had found her.

 

Bit by bit, she revealed her life with Saw.  She had worshipped the man as a child, wanting to be just like him.  Hours were spent learning how to be part of his army, whether it be fighting or learning how to encrypt and decrypt certain things.  But, the older she got, the more distant he became, like she were some virus. It was lonely and she began to understand that she could never be part of his world.  

 

With the cover of the stars, he shared with her his story which was not much different from her own.  They were alike in a way. Angry at the world for taking so much from them and wanting to fight back. But he, being a man of their world, could move about it and strike forward whereas she was bound by rules and tradition to follow the orders of someone else.  Even Jan’s cover had her working for a male benefactor just so she wouldn’t be harassed by the officials on Coruscant.

 

“I just want to be free to make my own decisions,” she had murmured, her eyes shining with unshed tears as she admitted something that had been buried so deep inside of her.  “I just want to find a place where I can be me.”

 

As Chirrut tapped a beat with his walking stick Cassian led her around the room, feeling her body flow with his, following his every move.  Bending, slightly, he whispered, “Lead.”

 

“What?”

 

“Try it--lead me in the waltz.”  There was a bit of hesitation in her gaze as she bit down on her lower lip.  “Who’s going to know except for you and me?”

 

Standing still, Cassian brought them to a halt.  Wiggling his eyebrows, he watched as a genuine smile lit her face.  He was addicted to her smile. 

 

Chirrut rapped his walking stick on the ground.  “I don’t hear movement.”

 

“Hold on, Chirrut, my ass is itchy,” Cassian cried out while keeping his eyes on Jyn.  Letting out a breath, she gave him a short nod and they switched hand positions so that she had one hand on his waist while holding out a dainty fist.  Cassian leaned in once again and whispered in her ear, “Careful, I’m ticklish.”

 

“You’re just giving me more ammo, Captain.”

 

“Use it wisely, Erso.”   

 

The stick began hitting the ground on beat and Jyn moved gracefully, leading Cassian around the small room.  Both of them heard a bark of laughter and glanced at the door, still in movement. Baze leaned against the door frame, drying some fruit in a towel.

 

“She is a much better dancer than you, Captain,” Baze said with a smile.

 

Cassian merely waved his middle finger in the air, mimicking a Festian insult.

 

* * *

 

The compliment that Baze had given her was meant to pester Cassian, but it did manage to make her feel more confident.  Like Chirrut had mentioned, she never danced before, the  _ tonne _ refusing to even notice her dance card on her debut.  Then again, she had mucked everything up before than, having done the one thing that was not excusable by the hierarchy.

 

Liking the feel of leading, she chanced a twirl which Cassian performed as gracefully as he could, given that he was too tall to properly do it beneath her arm.  She wanted to laugh but her teeth clenched, keeping the sound within.

 

“Captain,” they heard Kay’s voice, slightly muffled, over the comm.

 

Stopping abruptly, Cassian walked over to his pile of clothes and pulled out his comm.  Holding it up to his mouth, he asked, “What is it Kay?”   
  


“I have some disturbing news.  Please come to the cockpit..”

 

Glancing up, he caught Jyn’s startled gaze and  tilted his head, letting her know that she should probably come, too.  She nodded and followed him with Chirrut close behind.

 

There was not enough room in the cockpit so Jyn stayed as close as she could, listening.  This was one thing she had been trained to do and she was as still as a statue. She could feel Chirrut beside her, equally unmoving, though there was something in the way his mouth slashed downward that she did not like. 

 

“I have updated the feeds for the message boards and it appears we are harboring a fugitive.”

 

Jyn tensed.  Immediately, one of her hands reached up and clenched her crystal while Chirrut, sensing her distress, stepped forward and kept a steadying hand on her elbow.  

 

“What?” Cassian exclaimed.  There was clacking and a sharp inhale of breath. “How long has this been up?”

 

“Almost 4 days.  They are looking for her near the Gordian Reach sector where Yavin is located.  Luckily, due to our faulty equipment, we have been traveling in the wrong direction toward the Raioballo sector and are nowhere near there.”

 

_ Fugitive _ .  There was only one  _ her _ that Kay could have been talking about and the knowledge that someone was hunting her made her angry.

 

“Who sent the request for her.”

 

“It appears to be coming from someone high up.  Krennic. Orson Krennic. Who names their son Orson?”

 

Glancing up, she saw Cassian watching her, his eyes blank.  “All Saw would say is that he wanted to marry me. I don't know why he would make a bid, but he was a friend of my father's.”

 

The captain stared at her a beat longer before whispering, “I don't like this.”

 

“I know,” Kay said, “my calculations for the ease of this job were erroneous.”

 

Already bounding out of the cockpit, Cassian walked a few paces before turning and stopping.  “Chirrut, Bodhi, find a disguise for Jyn. When she's done, she will need to create her own identity and scandocs.  In the meantime, we need to get some easy jobs and fix up the ship before she falls apart.”

 

“There are a few in this region.  Three drop offs and one information gathering but it should be enough to get us a few good parts to keep us in the air.”

 

“Perfect.  Claim them.  In the meantime, I need to contact command.”

 

Bodhi had unbuckled himself from the seat and offered Jyn his arm.  Gingerly, she took it and he led her to the laundry room. “Bodhi, what's happening?”

 

“This Krennic fellow put a large bounty on your head.  Don't worry, we won't give you up without a fight. You're one of us now.  The captain won't let anything happen to you.”

 

Something inside of her chest bloomed causing warmth to spread through her.   _ You’re one of us now. _

 

* * *

 

On the seventh day, Saw Garrera stood in the docking bay.  He had been visiting the location for the past few hours since his arrival the day before.  Fiddling with his belt, he heard a soft cough and looked up into the stoic face of Lady Mothma.  Bowing as low as his knees would let him, he made his way toward her. 

 

“Have you heard anything?”  He was surprised to hear the worry in his voice and coughed as if to cover it up.

 

Mothma, who had always been far too perceptive, laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.  She offered sympathy as she shook her head no. As more ships had been circling her planet, Mothma had sent Draven to find out exactly what was happening with the ship that had been hired to import Jyn but he had yet to return.  “You needn’t worry, Saw. She is with Captain Andor and his crew.”

 

“Andor?” Saw barked.  He searched through the files he kept so meticulously in his head and stopped on one.  A young boy with dead eyes and bloody hands.  He shivered at the memory.

 

Before he could respond, Draven appeared, paler than normal as he whispered something into Mothma’s ear.  Damn her for not revealing the new information on her face. She would have been a better senator than her now dead husband, that is if women could have power.  Instead, she turned to look up as the doors to the docking bay opened slowly. “You will want to wait in the salon,” she said to Saw.

 

“The fuck I do.  Is that them? Is that Jyn?”

 

“No, but I suggest you wait in the salon.”  Mothma slipped her arm along his and began walking, forcing the man to go with her.  “This will be only a second.”

 

“What is it you’re hiding from me?”

 

Her calm demeanor slipped and she hissed in his ear, “I am not hiding anything from you.  I am hiding you from them.”

 

Saw turned to look over his shoulder as Draven made his way toward the ship.  There was an insignia painted along the side, an insignia he had learned to hate.  Fucking Krennic was there. 

 

As the door slid shut behind them, Mothma slipped her arm from his and began running.  “Quick, we do not have time.”

 

Never having seen her run before, he was shocked into movement.  They turned down several corridors before stopping in front of a bookshelf.  She quickly pulled a few books in a specific pattern and the shelf quickly swiveled, revealing a hidden room.  Shoving Saw inside, Mothma righted the shelf and bent her head until her forehead touched the back of it. “You will forget you saw that, of course.”

 

“Already forgotten.”

 

“Good.”  She took one final deep breath before turning on her heel.  “May I introduce you to our best cargo pilot, Shara Bey.”

 

A tall individual stepped out from the shadows.  Her dark hair was also cut short, a mop of curly strands sitting on her head.  In her hand, she carried a bottle of purple liquid that he recognized as a very strong spirit.  An impish grin lit her otherwise undramatic face as she stuck a hand out. “Obliged,” she said then took a swig from her bottle.  “Didn’t think I’d ever chance a meeting with a general.”

 

Saw took her hand and tried to hide his bewilderment.  What exactly was happening. Secret passageways, a female cargo pilot  _ and _ a breathless, unkempt Mothma?  

 

"Thank you, Shara,” Mothma said. 

 

"I'll be taking my leave--don't want to see _that_ again."

 

Mothma nodded and waited before Shara could disappear.  “BB8, play the holo again.”

 

Beside Saw’s feet, a little droid rolled around next to him.  It took all of his willpower not to kick it. The little thing trilled and without further ado, a panel slipped open and a projector popped out.  Saw watched it in silence, feeling his jaw unhinge.

 

The holo had no sound, but it did not need it. It was focused on a small mining town when suddenly, a stream of green light hit it and suddenly, the town was no more, swallowed into the sand.  The holo panned to the side were two men stood, watching the carnage.  One was dressed in white and wore a cape, Krennic of all people, but the other...the other made Saw want to scream.

 

“He’s alive,” Saw murmured turning his gaze to Mothma.  "Jyn's father, he's alive?"


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draven took in the information quietly and turned his attention back to the screen. “When did Krennic first become interested in Jyn?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive re-writes + personal heartaches + life = delay in getting this chapter out.
> 
> I apologize profusely. It was never meant to take me this long. Thank you to those that are sticking to it. I hope to finish this tale before the end of this year.

The vacant eyes of a child soldier calmly tracked his movement as he made his way from the mouth of the alley to a door.  Saw watched the blood ooze down the child's forearms, rivulets staining his skin in sin. The clothes that adorned his malnourished body were worn and threadbare, his hair was oily and ragged and his feet were callused and lacked shoes.  He was the very essence of someone born of pain and anger and the epitome of someone who did not know compassion or love. Only a monster could do what that child did in the quick and calculated way that it was done.

 

It was remarkable yet horrific.  The slow dance that this child performed around the stormtroopers was graceful, the words that spilled from his lips a torrent of lies covered in honey.  Learning his name from contacts later on, Saw did not know if he wanted to recruit him or murder the abomination. It was only after finding out that Draven had laid claim to the child that Saw relinquished his search for the young assassin.  

 

This was the man who was currently watching over Jyn.

 

If Galen had known, Saw would've been struck dead by the fury in his eyes alone.  The guilt that tormented Saw was also equally terrible and kept him awake throughout the nights that he suffered in the hidden passageways of Mothma's labyrinth.  What was this horrific person doing to Jyn? But even if his brain screamed for him to find the girl, he couldn't. Not with Orson Krennic still stalking the halls.

 

It had been days now and the man still refused to leave.  From the dark look in Mothma and Draven’s gaze, he could tell that they were not pleased either.  “What is he still doing here?” Saw muttered.

 

“If we were to know, do you think I would still be here with you?” Draven replied acidly.  They were both in the safe room, staring at screens that featured different parts of the house while staff scurried in and out of Saw's vision.  Krennic was currently taking tea with Mothma, discussing the soon to be party that she was planning in her home and if Saw didn't know better, the serene almost flirty smile that Mothma portrayed made one believe that she enjoyed his company.

 

“She should have been a spy.”

 

It would seem that Draven was in agreement as the harsh lines that engulfed his face began to soften.  “She should have been many things. Instead she has to listen to this sack of shit all day.”

 

Remembering the boy-assassin, Saw asked, “Can’t you just...?” and he dragged his thumb along his neck.

 

Draven glanced at Saw and he could see that the other man had thought of that strategy before.    “Not without repercussions that we are not prepared to deal with.” In his hand he toggled a knob and in the corner of the screen he replayed the image that the BB8 unit had gotten.  

 

“Direct action is the only way to destroy this plague,” Saw rumbled as he pounded his fist against the table.  Secrecy and planning were not something he was used to and all this waiting was starting to get on his nerves. What he needed to do was murder Krennic--damn the alliance he had with Mothma.

 

But now that he knew Galen was involved, he couldn’t make rash decisions.  If Galen were to suffer, Jyn would never…

 

...who was he kidding.  Jyn would probably never forgive him. 

 

“There,” Draven said and played the image back once again.  He carefully paused it in one place and zoomed to Galen's wrist.   A metal wire peaked out from his sleeve and the unmistakable bruises of a man restrained was evident on his wrists.

 

What did it mean?  Was Galen a prisoner rather than a criminal as Saw thought?

 

“Tell me more of Galen Erso,” Draven said, his voice cold.

 

“Nothing to say.  He was an acquaintance of someone I knew.  Brilliant man that was interested in tinkering with or creating things.  Family man. Quiet most of the time and kept to himself.

 

“I knew his wife better.  She was a feisty lady, prone to fighting and arguing.  Helped me build a few weapons. Studious in her own right.  Jyn takes after her.”

 

For a second, there was a bit of calculation behind Draven's eyes and his lips thinned into a white line.  “What exactly happened? How did Jyn get into your custody?”

 

Shrugging, Saw said, “There was a fight--I wasn’t there but there were signs of struggle.”  He remembered seeing the way that the grass bent at unnatural angles and could almost see the battle that had taken place.  There were several other people involved, but he could always pinpoint Lyra’s shoes. She had fought, slashing through the grass and it appeared that two beings had gone down.  “I only received a signal. When I went to investigate, no one was there except for the girl who was hidden in a hole carrying the transmitter.”

 

Draven took in the information quietly and turned his attention back to the screen.  “When did Krennic first become interested in Jyn?”

 

“One month ago.”

 

“It’s too coincidental.”

 

“What is?”

 

For a second, it appeared that Draven was apprehensive about sharing the news.  However, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a device that looked like a modified data pad.  “About two months ago, we received a distress call.” Entering a code on the datapad, he handed it to Saw.  “It's why Captain Andor and his crew were stationed around Coruscant at the time of your request. Initially, they were there to find out what that call was about.”

 

Saw read over the contents of a data breach and something further that worried him.  There were photos that he clicked on of a blurry capsule that was about the size of a human.  “And?”

 

“The captain sent over the images that you see and a brief report that spoke of different leads that he had planned to follow...Tatooine, Kafrene, and further. He also requested an in person discussion but hasn't been back since.”

 

Saw licked his lips.  “So, we know that Galen is being held against his will and involved with this...mechanism.  Krennic, until this point, did not care for Jyn until you received a distress signal…” Slowly, a nagging feeling deepened in the pit of his stomach that began to consume him.  “Are you inferring what I think you're inferring?”

 

Steepling his hands together, Draven stared long and hard at Saw.  “The father's alive so, could it be possible that her mother lived as well?  At least until two months ago?”

 

A beep suddenly erupted and both men's eyes flew to the screen.  Shara Bey's face appeared at the corner of the screen. “We got a signal--its weak but it's the Captain’s.”

 

“News?”  Draven asked.

 

“You know what a suspicious mother fucker that one is.  Its beyond encrypted but BB is working on it. It'll take time and we even have the key for it.”

 

“Fill us in when it has been deciphered.”

 

Shara scoffed.  “Of course. See you in about a billion years.”

 

“Your annoyance is duly noted, Bey.”

 

“Good.  Thought I'd have to spell it out for you, sir.”

 

Turning to Draven, Saw said, “I like her better than you.”

 

* * *

 

Jyn watched Kay quietly from her perch.  The man--no, hybrid, she realized after the two weeks she had been on board Rogue One--was currently sewing the hem if her future garment with such disdain, that she believed he would burn a hole through it with all his sour looks.

 

“Haven’t you been through an etiquette lesson in your life? Staring is rude,” Kay muttered.

 

The revelation that his body was more droid than human came one evening when she had accidentally walked in on him in the fresher.  Different metals and skin grafts had been fused to what was left of him. Wires that were never truly embedded into him fell in waves down his back and wrapped around his torso.  Twisted skin lapped against one another revealing a story of a fire long ago and a pain she could not understand.

 

She had apologized but he had been extra cold to her ever since.  Hybrids were not normal in their world which made the acerbic nature, immaculate clothes and blind faith in etiquette become more understandable.  It was designed to keep the general population away. 

 

“Failed etiquette,” she replied back.

 

“Not a surprise.  I doubt you can learn it now.”

 

What was the saying with old animals and tricks?  She couldn't remember fully so she asked, “Too old?”

 

“Too stubborn,” he retorted.  Unfurling the cloth before him, he inspected his work and frowned.  

 

“I think that was the first compliment you have ever paid me.”

 

Suddenly, golden eyes glanced at her and she could see that they were constantly readjusting.  Also robotic, she realized, and wondered who had the skill to do something so intricate. It must have cost a lot.  After a second, he rubbed his eyes and went back to sewing. “How could you see that as a compliment?”

 

_ Stubborn.  Willful.  _ She had been called those things all her life with such disdain that she had grown bitter with how people threw those words in her face.  It wasn't until a midnight talk with Cassian, when he asked what she thought of her own nature that she felt herself warm to those words. It wasn't because he made it better but because he wanted to learn about her and what was was at her core...and that meant there was another soul out there who got her.  “I see it as persistence. It's all about perspective.”

 

His frown deepened, as if he had heard that phrasing before and found it lacking.  Coughing into his elbow, she noticed more strange things about him such as the hue of his nose and the way his eyes watered.  It was almost as if he were sick and Jyn realized that he literally caught a bug and it was messing with his programming. Her fingertips itched.  

 

“I can fix that for you.”

 

For a second, she could see the refusal in the look he threw her but then he shook his head and continued  to sew. “The virus was introduced into my system when I plugged into the message boards. My body searches it out and it takes a few days to catch it and destroy it...but if you can locate it and fix it immediately--”

 

“I can.” 

 

“Have at it.”

 

Sitting on a crate, she forced him to slide onto the floor in front of her.  From her sleeve, she pulled out a rather flimsy contraption that she had built when she lived with Saw.  Before she could plug the wires into the base of his neck, Kay jerked forward and with trepidation asked, “What  _ is _ that?”

 

“Medicine, you big baby.  Now get over here.” She smoothly pulled him back and was satisfied  that there was no resistance on his part. Plugging her contraption into his neck, she proceeded on her search if the virus.  Meanwhile, Kay continued to sew.

 

“It’s kind of interesting,” she murmured when she finally found it a few hours later.  Carefully isolating the bug, she continued, “If you want, I can keep it active when extracting it and you could study it.”

 

“You have that ability?”  There was a slight note of surprise in his voice.

 

“I may not have learned etiquette but I sure know how to do that.”

 

“Proceed.”

 

When she finally pulled it out and loaded it onto a data stick, she removed her wires and passed the content onto Kay.  Laying a hand on his shoulder, she could feel the harsh metal biting into her palm and wondered if he felt any pain. “You're lucky I'm here.”

 

“Or unlucky.  It's all about perspective,” he shot back.

 

Before she could respond, Bodhi exclaimed, “Oh!  You're getting on well!” 

 

Looking up, they watched both Cassian and Bodhi walking into the hall, Bodhi with a bright smile lighting his face and Cassian appearing somewhat distracted.   The lines along his eyes were a bit more pronounced and Jyn wondered if he was thinking of their next mission. He had mentioned that it appeared more troubling than he initially expected, but did not delve further into it.

 

“We are bonding,” Kay muttered, “How did you both fare?”

 

Cassian held up a small data stick and said, ”Check this for bugs--if everything is fine, transfer the credits to our funds.” 

 

“Can’t you see I’m busy?” Kay said as he held up the cloth in his hands.  “Give it to Lady Erso. She can handle that.”

 

She could hear Bodhi gasp from wherever he stood behind the captain, but Cassian appeared unmoved.  Turning to her, he passes her the data stick and their fingertips brushed. Jyn immediately bowed her head, feeling a blush yearn to crawl up her cheeks.  She noticed that these stupid feelings had been happening more and more often and hated that she could not control her traitorous body. He cannot know...he should never know...it would not work if she ever…

 

“Are you okay, Lady Erso?”  Her other hand was still on Kay’s shoulder and she could feel him shifting as he asked the question.  “Your body temperature changed and your heartbeat is palpitating wildly. Have you, too, caught a virus?”

 

At that moment, she could kill Kay with her bare hands.

 

“Are you sick, Jyn?” And finally Cassian’s face softened as he returned to the present. Inspecting her with concern in his eyes, he reached out, his hand centimeters from her forehead but she abruptly stood, nearly knocking Kay over. 

 

“I’ll be fine.  I need a bit of rest.”  Taking a short step away from Cassian, she smiled at him and said, “I’ll check on this in my room.  If you’ll excuse me.”

 

“No need to push yourself, Jyn.”

 

“It’s fine--really.”  She hurried to the captain’s quarters and locked the door as soon as she entered.  Leaning against it, she stared at the sleeping Yarna and wondered if she was in over her head.

 

Her feelings were becoming troublesome.  The last time it happened, she was shunned by the entire tonne--there was no way in the world she wanted something like that to occur again.

 

Stubborn.  Willful. Persistent.  She had to utilize all of it in order to deny her budding feelings for the captain.   

 

It couldn’t…

 

She could never…

 

If she loved him, he would abandon her, too.

 

* * *

 

The first three missions that Kay had taken from the message boards were a breeze.  They were merely pick ups and drop offs which weren't enough to have them rolling in credits but it certainly helped them purchase a few needed parts and fuel.  

 

It was the last mission that perplexed Cassian.

 

The job, on the surface, seemed simple enough.  They were to find where a local duchess was spending her nights--something that her husband was paying quite a lot in order keep her nightly discretions secret.  But, as they tracked her movements in the Thand Sector, he was surprised to see that she went, unguarded, into the Ring of Kafrene.

 

Kafrene was not a place for any duchess to be found.  It was an old mining colony that harbored the most broken and beaten down folk that burrowed deep into the bowels of the asteroid in order to harness precious metals.  But Kafrene was also a trading post where scum naturally gravitated to as it was far enough away from the reach of the empire that only a handful of stormtroopers could be seen patrolling the streets.  Cassian had spent much of his youth on the alleys of Kafrene and had briefly met the legendary Saw Garrera while he had been on a job. For a brief second, Cassian wondered if the old man remembered him; they had not really met during the best of circumstances.

 

Tucking his tools back into his belt, he heard a soft tapping and glanced upward only to find Bodhi at the entrance.  Long glossy locks framed a rather mischievous looking face and for once, his goggles were missing. Bodhi tilted his chin, a quiet message that he had finally finished his project.  Cassian started up the ladder.

 

The mere sight of her left him speechless.  What was once a young lady now stood a gentleman.  Wearing the standard white shirt with a curved wing tipped collar and cuffs beneath a dark blue double breasted vest and dark gray trousers, she gave the illusion of a proper nobleman.  

 

Bodhi had spent hours restyling her hair, cursing about how it curled when he did not want it to.  At the end, however, he had managed to dye it white and style it in the almost forgotten way that the coruscanti men found popular at the turn of the century--parted in the center and worn with a low ponytail in the back.  It gave her an air of pompousness that would deter the general population from speaking to her directly. 

 

He circled her and without meaning to, dragged his fingers through her tresses, feeling the soft strands curl against his skin.  It was so soft yet he found himself missing the brown tones that reminded him of the earth.

 

The only thing that betrayed her were her eyes.  Fire engulfed the irises revealing her annoyance and anger despite how her posture revealed just how completely comfortable she was in her new attire.  He would have to teach her to be indifferent and to be severe, it seemed, if she were going to complete this disguise.

 

Standing in front of her once more, the freckles that had adorned her round cheeks had vanished--a trick of makeup probably supplied by Kay.  Her face was still somewhat cherubic but she was small so she could easily be mistaken for a youth.

 

“Never in my life did I think that I would get into Kay's pants,” Jyn said as she wiggled her hips.

 

A laugh bubbled up in the pit of his stomach but he forced himself to remain neutral.  Her mouth would get her in trouble; there was no doubt in his mind. She was indeed wearing Kay's pants, though they had been cut and hemmed to fit her size.

 

“Scandocs?” he asked after he was done appraising her.

 

She went to reach for them but he grabbed her wrist before she could pull them from her breast pocket and tugged her against him, restraining her hand between their bodies.  Instinct made her struggle against him for a second but then she relaxed. A small part of him was glad that she relaxed.

 

“A man of my calibre does not ask a gentleman to prove anything.”

 

Realization flooded her gaze and her jaw went tight.  A Corusanti nobleman’s attitude was harsh and calculating.  Above all, pride, rank and money was considered important and anyone that questioned them was considered uncouth.  With Cassian being title-less, he was not even considered a person.

 

It was slight but her face altered into that of a sneer.  “Who are you to touch me?” she hissed.

 

“Good.”  Reluctantly, he dropped her hand and stepped back, carefully studying her as she watched him.  If he had not promised that she could be free, he would have tried to recruit her at that moment.  Another small part of him whispered,  _ recruit her to bed, too? _

 

Bodhi had been beside her, watching the exchange.  By the way his hands fidgeted, Cassian could tell that he was nervous about Jyn's appearance.  Days had been injected into resizing and sewing old clothes that the crew had outgrown. But it was worth it as the outcome was impeccable.  Cassian gave him a curt nod and the smile that blossomed over Bodhi's face was blinding.

 

To Jyn, the captain said, “You're taking point on this last mission.”  There was a slight glimmer of surprise in her gaze. He clapped a heavy hand on her shoulder.  “Meet with Kay and he will fill you in on the details.”

 

Dropping his hand away, he stepped back and stared into her now openly astonished face.  When she still did not move, Bodhi crept forward and whispered, “That means your dismissed.”

 

As if waking with a start, Jyn jolted then nodded before heading to the cockpit where Kay sat.  When she was far enough away, Bodhi immediately pounced. “You're sending her out?”

 

“Yes.  We'll be on radio silent on the ground and I need someone sharp and quick to back me up who can possibly hack her way out if we get caught.”

 

He had been thinking of his crew the entire time.  Whereas the best person for the job, Chirrut, would have been perfect for going undercover with him, the soft sands and hot oppressive air would have messed with Chirrut’s hearing.  

 

“Think she can do it?”

 

It was more of a gut feeling that propelled him to whisper, “I trust her.”

 

A goofy grin spread across Bodhi's face and immediately, Cassian was irritated.  “What?” Cassian asked and pointed to the grin. “What's this all about?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“That's not a nothing grin.”

 

“It's just...Jyn.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“You’ll be alone with her, won’t you?”

 

Narrowing his eyes, Cassian said, “And…?”

 

“And that's it.  That's all I wanted to say.” 

 

“I don't believe you.”

 

“Then don’t.”  But the goofy grin persevered.

 

Cassian chewed on his lower lip.  Whatever sparkle was behind Bodhi’s eyes, and whatever Chirrut had been hatching, were not appealing.  Both men knew that Cassian was not worthy of anything...not after everything he had done in his lifetime.

 

“You're worse than Chirrut.”

 

“That is the highest compliment anyone has ever paid me.”

 

* * *

 

“Why is he so far from here?” Saw asked as he read the report Shara had given them.  Glancing up, he caught Mothma’s frown and knew that the woman was wondering the same thing.  Whatever circumstances brought Cassian and his crew that far away was an advantage to them. 

 

Currently, it was Draven’s turn to entertain Krennic.  A ride out into the property was considered a grand idea and both men were out of the house.  It helped dissipate the oppressive feeling that had been dominating the household.

 

“There’s something else,” Shara announced and slid a folio to Saw and Mothma.  

 

When Saw opened the contents, he cursed.  “A bounty? On her head? This is ridiculous!”  He could feel his entire body coil with frustration.  If he could get his fingers around Krennic’s neck, he could make this entire endeavor cease to exist.  Jyn wouldn’t have to get married and she would return to him.

 

But, would she?  After keeping her at a distance all her life?  After abandoning her?

 

“We need to warn him about Krennic being here,” Mothma said diplomatically, cutting into Saw’s jumbled thoughts.  “We need to keep them far from here for as long as possible.” Her lips curled slightly and she stood from the table, pacing back and forth.  He had never seen her so agitated before. “There is something that I can do, but I need to deliver documents to the Captain and his crew--Shara?”

 

“Yes, ma’am?”

 

“Do you volunteer?”

 

It was something he noticed about Mothma.  She never demanded anything of her staff--instead, she asked them, went to see if they would do something by their own free will. 

 

“And get out of this sweatbox?  You bet your ass--assets that I can....my lady.”  

 

Mothma shot her a look.  “You can quit the formalities.  You’ve never been any good at it.”

 

A large smile broke over Shara’s face and she seemed to relax.  “Thanks, ma’am.” She bowed and headed toward the door.

 

As she walked down the hall, Saw caught up to Shara.  She was much taller than he realize. “If you could, Lady Bey--”

 

“Shara, please.”

 

“Shara, then. Would you do me a favor and deliver a personal message to Jyn?”

  
  



	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m fine,” he told Kay. 
> 
> He was not fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long wait. The chapter started getting too long so I decided to break it into two parts. It is unbeated but I hope it makes sense...
> 
> Trigger Warning: Mentions of self harm.

The first time he took a life, Cassian had stared at the body in horror, feeling the bile churn inside of him and threaten to spill.  It was only by the grace of the Force that he kept it together long enough to spill his guts privately in the back of a shop some time away, Jan's hand on his shoulder and her lips tight.  

 

The trauma lessened after more of those types of missions were given to him, though he did not enjoy it.  He was fresh faced and young, easily overlooked whenever he walked down crowded streets but he was also quick, lethal and completely clinical about the ordeal on the outside which made him a favored assassin.  But the more work he was assigned, the more that the darkness persisted, tightening its tendrils around his very soul and tearing him apart in a way that others did not suspect. Whatever bit of humanity he felt he had ever had started slipping away until he was a husk of a being, continuing in a robotic way that did not feel like living nor death.  

 

“I’m fine,” he told Kay.  

 

He was not fine.

 

It was Kay that noticed the marks first.  It was Kay that made the first request.  _ Stop this before it consumes him _ , he said before the lords of the rebellion.  But they did not listen. _  What was one life compared to that of many?  _ Were all the responses that they heard. 

 

And as the lords continued to argue, so did the work and the darkness that continually yanked at him and submerged him in anger and twisted his thoughts.   _ Don't feel _ , he lectured himself every second of every day.   _ Don't feel, don't feel, don't feel. It's for the greater good. _

 

But he was human and the guilt weighed heavily on his soul.

 

After returning from a several year mission and looking her protege in the eyes, Jan stepped in, rage burning her every word.  Unlike Kay's speech that pleaded with their compassion and intellect, she went another way and aimed for their greed, arguing for something they so desperately needed.  Intelligence was key to their success and Cassian had shown an aptitude for it when she tutored him. She pushed and twisted, promising success, and called in every favor that she could in order to save him from working solely as an assassin.

 

To save someone who was so unworthy of it.

 

It was during one of his late night talks with Jyn that the words unintentionally spilled from his mouth.  “I'm not a good person.” It took all his courage to look at her, see those green eyes and judge him for what he was.  

 

After a moment, her hand found his, curling into his palm and tethering him to reality.  “No one is,” she replied in that voice that held more wisdom than her years should have given her.  “But if you keep striving to be better, to choose more right than wrong, that says a lot about you.”

 

He wanted to do better.

 

Truly, he did.

 

But, when he slept, he could still feel the warm blood that oozed down his arms and see the lifeless eyes gazing at him.  These visions haunted and devoured him, dragging him back into that abyss that was always so close. 

 

A day before reaching Kafrene, he wrestled awake from one horrifying nightmare, gasping for breath.  Running a hand over his face, he felt the cold, slick sweat coat his fingertips and frowned.

 

“They’re getting worse, aren’t they?”  Chirrut’s calm voice floated through the terror, causing Cassian to freeze in place.  When he finally found the strength to push himself up into a sitting position, he stared at the older man who sat in a bunk across from him in something called the “lotus” pose.   The thought of denying the question flitted across his brain but he knew better than to lie to Chirrut. A lie meant more scrutiny and questions which was why Cassian merely grunted in the affirmative.

 

Despite the rather rude way in which Cassian answered the question, Chirrut seemed pleased.  “Is it wise to continue this job?” 

 

“We find out what this woman is doing on Kafrene and report back to her husband.  We get paid, we have working equipment and we continue our journey. As Kay assures us, this should be simple.”

 

There was a small smile adorning the older man’s face that did not quite spread to the rest of his features.  “It is never simple when one revisits their past.” 

 

For a moment, a flicker of anger danced across Cassian’s face, but it was quickly squashed and replaced with something colder.  “I’m fine.”

 

“Are you?  The Force moves darkly on that asteroid.  It lingers in the crags and crevices found on the surface of the streets, cloying and waiting for your return.”

 

Annoyed, Cassian sprang to his feet.  “If you are finished?”

 

“I am not.”

 

Before he could even formulate a response, there was an incessant knock on the crew quarters’ door.  Even though weariness and anger battled inside of him, Cassian ignored Chirrut's pointed look and opened it.

 

A fluff of taffeta flounced into the room.  Clear blue eyes peered at him for a long moment before a scratchy shrill voice said in a clipped tone, “Nice boobs, Captain.”

 

“They're called pecs,” Chirrut supplied.

 

“Thank you, Chirrut.  Helpful as always,” Cassian replied stoically.  He took a moment to put a shirt on before he said, “Yarna, to what do we owe this pleasure,” the word  _ pleasure _ stuck to the roof of his mouth and he had to force himself to utter it which made it sound disingenuous even to his ears.

 

She eyed him in an entirely judgmental way.  “A request.”

 

“And what request would that be?”

 

It was minute, but he saw the way her hand waved in front of her body while she said, “I am coming with you to Kafrene.”

 

Suddenly, from the corner of his eye, he witnessed Chirrut’s body stiffen and the older man uncurled himself from where he sat.  There was a look that could only be described as astounded on his face and it made Cassian vastly uncomfortable. There weren’t many individuals that caught Chirrut off guard but it appeared that Yarna was one of them.  Circling her slowly, a frown distorting Chirrut’s face, the older man said, “I think I’ll go bother Jyn.”

 

“She’s in the kitchen area with Lord Malbus.  Something tells me that that she is trying to steal sweetmeats,” Yarna said without looking at him.  

 

As Chirrut passed him, he felt the weight of his hand drop on his shoulder and give a brief squeeze of encouragement.  Cassian studied her closely, almost curiously as the door shut behind him. Yarna was part of Jan’s cadre and because of that, he knew that she could be trusted; however, because of that, there were also many secrets that she was withholding.  “And why would you want to go to Kafrene?”

 

“To be honest, I would rather skip Kafrene altogether but,” she sighed and fell into the bottom bunk suddenly looking fragile and defeated, “the Force wills it.”  

 

“The Force,” he echoed as he stepped up to her, but she kept perfectly still, looking almost past him.    

 

“You know that thing that holds everything together?  I’m sure that old man has droned on and on about it.” She looked at her hands that were clasped tightly on her lap, trembling and gnarled but age couldn’t hide the marks on her wrist that were similar to his.  “You see, Captain, that darned Force won’t let me rest.” There was something hidden in her words that he could not quite see, a secret message that she was trying to share. “I am going to Kafrene whether you want me to or not.”

 

Kneeling before her, Cassian took her hand in his and asked, “You know more, don’t you?”

 

Her laugh was watery, filled with a lifetime of tears that she did not shed.   Her eyes clouded over and he could tell she was looking at things that he could not see.  He squeezed her fingers. “Sometimes, I think I know too much,” she replied softly.

 

“Tell me?”

 

She bowed her head and muttered, “You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”  It may have been different words, but Cassian could hear the same cry for help that he had done so long ago.  

 

There was a thing that happened in his old village, a maneuver that children did to their elders when they greeted them.  Cassian hadn’t done it in years, but felt the need to do so at that moment. Carefully, he pressed her knuckles to his forehead and whispered, “I’ll still listen.”

 

* * *

 

The first night on Kafrene was supposed to be an easy steak out.  Jyn, disguised as a nobleman, was to seek out information about where the rich would divert their time on the cold rock whereas her guard, Cassian, would keep stern watch over her in lieu of her parents.

 

It all changed when Yarna joined.  Rather than playing the bachelor searching for mischief, Jyn became a young nephew that was unwillingly escorting his elderly aunt.  If Jyn were to voice her thoughts, she was perfectly fine with as it meant less talking and more observing which was where her skill set lay.  Prior to the change, she felt agonized. Even though she was a noble herself, she did not have the correct vocabulary to carry any conversation nor the patience when it came to playing word games with someone she did not like.

 

Besides, Jyn quite liked Yarna.  Sure, the older woman rarely talked and spent more time drooling and snoring rather than being conscience, but Jyn, for some inexplicable reason, always felt safe around her.  Whenever she crawled into bed next to her after a long day, Yarna would wake for a small moment, brush Jyn’s hair away from her forehead and tell her to sleep well. 

 

As Jyn, Cassian and Yarna gathered data, Baze, Chirrut and Bodhi would be in another part of town, haggling for supplies.  “We'll be close,” Baze assured her to which she replied with an impish smile. 

 

“Don’t trust me?” she asked innocently.

 

His lip twitched upward so slightly, she would not have noticed it if she hadn't been paying close attention.  “I've seen you wield a knife, little one. I fear for the civilians.”

 

Jyn tapped him lightly in his middle with the back of her hand as laughter bubbled out of her.  “As you should.” Uninhibited laughter. It was new for her and she was becoming addicted to it.  

 

“Quit fussing over her,” Chirrut frowned from beside them.  “She's a woman grown.”

 

“I worry about everyone that leaves through that door,” replied Baze who was already rolling his eyes at Chirrut.

 

“Sentimentality doesn't suit you.”

 

“Talking doesn't suit you.”

 

“Gentleman,” Cassian interjected smoothly as he slid between the both of them.  He handed a small pack to Chirrut and said, “Haggling for parts suits both of you.  Now go.”

 

As they departed, she felt Chirrut’s hand on her wrist and remembered their conversation in the kitchen.   _ Watch him. _  Biting her lip, she looked up at Cassian and willed herself not to show the emotions that rumbled through her.

 

Cassian stepped close and inspected her.  That evening, she wore a dark blue satin shirt with sleeves that were wide and billowy underneath a dark brown doublet that had a rich golden brocade pattern.  A thick belt was tied at her waist and from it dangled a holster that held her truncheons. Dark grey breeches were cinched at her hips and tucked into tall, knee length boots.  For the first time in her life, she felt comfortable and could actually breathe. She waited until his examination was completed before she asked, “And my orders?”

 

A sad smile clung to his lips.  “To be safe,” he whispered.

 

At that moment, Yarna took hold of Jyn’s elbow and with a shaky laugh asked, “Ready?”

 

She was still looking at Cassian, wondering about that smile he still held when she said, “No.”

 

Yarna squeezed her elbow.  “That’s the spirit.”

 

* * *

 

Kafrene overwhelmed her in a different way than she expected.  The smell of soot stained the almost pleasant smell of the earth, a smell that caressed a memory so old she could only see it in a haze.  

 

_ Her mother's long fingers were curved around a cloudy crystal as she held it under Jyn's nose.  “Smell it,” her mother's honey like voice whispered. That smell was similar to Kafrene. _

 

Beside her, Yarna glanced up into the obstructed horizon, her fluffy hair curling along her apple cheeks.  She was dressed in her usual taffeta but the colors were muted and had a modest cut that went well with her age.  All around them, the rock like buildings stretched into the sky and loomed over the procession of grim-faced individuals hurrying along their way.  “Do you feel it?” she asked as she turned to Jyn carefully, her voice slightly raspy. “That energy?”

 

For a brief second, Jyn shut her eyes and felt that electricity that most cities held wash over her.  “I do.” 

 

When she next opened her eyes, she found Yarna looking at Jyn’s crystal with such a pensive expression on her face.  “It runs through everything in this world, little one.” Carefully, with her free hand, Yarna touched the crystal and slid it back beneath Jyn's shirt.  She could feel the warmth of it sitting against her heart, thrumming with that city energy. “Trust in it and we will find our way.”

 

Yarna continued walking and Jyn followed obediently.  Her eyes scanned the crowds noting the small bursts of children weaving through the adults, glee lighting their faces while carriages passed. She wondered what being a child was like.  She never really had the opportunity and nor did…

 

She whipped her head around but found no sign of Cassian.  He had said that as their servant, he would be near but not seen.  If needed they were to open a channel on the comms that he gave them, call his name and he would appear like some sort of phantom.  Similar to Yarna, he was dressed in muted colors choosing dark browns and blacks. His clothes were made of rough material that looked itchy in Jyn’s eyes but, she noted, it was quite similar to the general population that lined the periphery of the streets.

 

In fact, where she stood seemed to be sectioned off for the nobility.  They had wide births of space to stroll in at their leisure but the non-nobility section was crowded.  Cassian had to be there.

 

Yarna sighed softly and her nails scratched against Jyn's sleeve as she dragged her hands away.  “What is it?” Jyn asked. 

 

“Tell me what you feel.”

 

“At the moment?” Jyn asked and glanced at the finery that surrounded her.  Memories of another location filled with other nobility greeted her and left a sour taste in her mouth.  “Annoyed,” she replied.

 

“Focus,  _ nephew _ .”

 

Jyn rolled her eyes but complied nonetheless.  “Cold, I guess?” Judging by the thin line of her lips, Jyn had said the wrong thing. 

 

“So you do not have it but it glows about you.  Interesting.” Yarna muttered as she fiddled with her earring.  Her eyes darted to a specific spot and she nodded, as if considering something.  Before Jyn could even ask what was happening, the older woman slipped her hand back onto Jyn’s elbow and tugged.   

 

As they walked hurriedly, Yarna asked, “Was one of your parents sensitive to it?”

 

“To what?”

 

“The Force.”

 

“My parents?”  She felt so bewildered by the flow of conversation that she almost missed the feeling of a hand slithering against her hip.  

 

* * *

 

Cassian gritted his teeth while he watched Jyn and Yarna in the square.  There were too many people around for his liking, more than before. In fact, an inordinately amount of nobility had descended onto the rock by the time they were to embark that they had to delay their departure by a few hours.

 

Something was happening and it was bigger than finding out what one nobleman's wife was doing. 

 

They seemed more interested in their conversation than continuing forward but it helped with the disguise.  Nothing in the world could hurry a noble person along if they did not feel like it. Still, where they stood, there were too many opportunities for them to get ambushed.  If it were him, he could already be on top of a building, reassembling his blaster to a sniper configuration…

 

Quickly, he slammed his thoughts shut.  Much as it pained him, he acknowledged that Chirrut was right about the demons that haunted him being back in Kafrene.  The alleys were imprinted in his brain and he could recall the best places to disappear if he had to or the best places to harm someone if more information was needed.

 

He continued along the outer rim of the street where all the other servants shuffled forward. He should be gathering data instead of worrying about Jyn and Yarna who could take care of themselves.  At least his mind knew that they could take care of themselves, but his heart still pounded against his ribs with worry. 

 

_ Listen _ , he berated himself.   _ Listen to the conversations around you. _

 

Millions of different languages washed over him.  Every now and then, he could pick out words and phrases that were interesting but offered him nothing.  It was while he was checking back on Yarna and Jyn that he heard a servant ask, “Which one is yours?” Cassian drifted toward the conversation.

 

“The dodgy one with the fucked up eye.”

 

“That could be anyone.”

 

A soft chuckle met that observation.  “He's old. Has a monocle.”

 

“Ah.  You here for the auction?”

 

“‘Course.  They'll need us to carry the loot.”

 

An auction?  Cassian's stomach churned as he slipped away from them and merged into another crowd, keeping his face neutral.  He had not heard of an auction taking place in some time, but then again, he had kept his head out of this location for years.  If it was like any of the other auctions taking place...

 

When he next looked up, he could see Yarna watching him with a strange look in her eye that told him she was up to something.  He pressed a switch on his collar that opened the line for him to comm her. “Auction,” he huffed and she nodded imperceptibly before tugging Jyn in the direction of a general store.  

 

Carefully, he slithered through the crowd, hurrying toward that area without causing any eyes to land in his direction.  But then, he caught sight of a giant nobleman’s hand darting toward Jyn. Terror welled inside of him and he began smashing into other servants, unaware of their annoyed expressions as he dashed forward with the one thought of keeping Jyn safe.

 

Seconds later, he skidded to a stop as he heard a loud curse erupting from that man.  The huge thing hunkered forward, dropping to his knees as Jyn practically bent the massive hand backward into an unnatural position.  Scurrying quickly behind him, she pulled something from her hip with her other hand and whipped it to the side, extending the truncheon.  Then, without grace, she curled the truncheon around his windpipe and pulled. Her upper arms bulged and he could see her teeth grit with the exertion as the giant stood and tried to swing her off of him.  Still, Jyn held her ground.

 

The other nobles passed by without hesitation, practically ignoring what was taking place.  Fights and brawls happened so frequently on Kafrene that it was not worthy of pause. Cassian, however, was struck dumb as he watched her take down a man almost twice her size.  The movements of the giant began to slow as he stumbled forward, falling on one knee. Glancing at Jyn, her face held a look of grim determination, unwilling to lose. 

 

“That one yours?” another servant asked in a thick accent.

 

Cassian curled his fingers into a fist and turned toward the individual speaking to him.  “Aye,” he murmured.

 

“Hope you don’t get on his bad side.  Seems like a monster.” 

 

He couldn’t stop his lips from curling.  So much for worrying about Jyn. “Aye,” he responded.

 

* * *

 

At the docking stations, Kay was working on his needlepoint.  It had been hours since everyone left him on the ship and twenty minutes since he stopped grumbling that he always had to be left onboard.  Fundamentally, he understood the reason why he was left behind--someone needed to make sure that the getaway car was always operational and he was much too honest for the rest of the population to go unnoticed.

 

Still, he would like to get off board once in a while.  It wasn’t as if Cassian had never let Kay walk amongst the population, but that was usually in terrain that was not hostile.  

 

It was while he was sitting in the cockpit that he heard a light tap outside the hull.  “Finally, a little action,” he said to no one in particular. Tossing his needlepoint behind him, his fingers danced over the console and turned on the cameras.  He nearly grimaced when he saw who stood right outside. 

 

Tapping a few more buttons, he got up and went to greet the newcomer.  

 

She stepped up the ramp slowly, a devilish smile lighting her face.  “You,” Kay greeted.

 

“Me,” she responded.  “Good to see you, Kay.”

 

Kay stepped aside to let her in.  “I wish the feeling was mutual, Bey.”

 

“Now with those endearing words, you hunk of burning love, it’s a wonder why I don’t swoon for you.”  As usual, she was smiling that impish smile that he so despised. But, as he stared at her more closely, he could see tension lining her eyes as well as the deep, heavy circles that spoke of no sleep.  Cassian used to have the same haunted look before Bodhi was brought on board. It was for that reason alone that Kay enjoyed Bodhi’s presence.

 

“How’d you find us?”

 

“Got your Captain’s distress signal.  Took a Quadjumper to get here.”

 

A quadjumper was one of the faster ships--and more expensive ones--than the rebellion had.  In fact, they were in such limited supply that it was only for important missions that they were used.   “He’s not here at the moment.”

 

“I can see that.”

 

“Good to see your eyes aren’t busted any longer.  Haven’t pissed off as many people as usual?”

 

“I’ve been confined.”  Shara wandered toward a crate and plopped down, a frown suddenly appearing.  

 

“Might I offer you a drink?” he asked.

 

“Sure.  I could use something.”

 

Kay went into the kitchen and pulled out a brown liquid from Baze’s not-so-secret supply of alcohol.  When he returned, he found Shara nodding off, her head propped against the wall. 

 

“If you are tired, you can use the captain’s quarters.”

 

There was a look of longing on her face at the suggestion, but she shook her head and offered her trademark impish grin.  “Can’t--after I deliver the messages, I’m required to head back.” When Kay poured her a shot, she took it in one gulp. “When can I expect your boss back?”

 

Kay shrugged and refilled her glass.  “He gave an approximation of 24 standard hours but his approximations are usually…” he paused searching for a nicer word and landed on, “incorrect.”

 

She reached into her coat pocket and and held a small chip in her hand.  “It’s from Mothma--says the Captain must have this, but you’ll do.” She took the second shot and threw it back quickly, shuddering as she swallowed.  Suddenly, she shot up and said, “don’t come near Yavin until we give you clearance. Some asshat named Krennic is on there and does not look like he is willing to leave just yet.”  

 

“Orson Krennic?” he asked.

 

“The very one.  You heard of him?”

 

“Unfortunately, yes.  And you say he’s on Yavin?”

 

“He has made a nest in Mothma’s home.”

 

Kay was quietly doing many calculations in his head as Shara got ready to leave.  The probability of it being coincidental was too low which meant that their ship, Rogue One, might be in more danger than he originally thought.  

 

Shara patted him on the shoulder as she made her way to the ramp.  “Anyway, I should be on my way. Make sure that chip gets to the captain.”  She swiped the bottle out of his hands and took one more swig. “Oh, I almost forgot.”  Reaching into her trouser pocket, she retrieved a small halo disc. “This,” she said, “is for the girl.  Her guardian wanted her to have it.”

 

“And the bottle?” Kay asked.

 

“This is mine now.  I’ll see you when I see you.”

 

“Thief,” Kay muttered as went back to the cockpit.  Still, he wondered what was on the holo and the chip and why it was so important to get this information to them as soon as possible.  And, to top it off, Orson Krennic was waiting for them on Yavin which made dropping the girl off impossible. 

 

He turned the chip over in his fingers.  Kay had too much manners to go through the information like some ruffian but he was sure that Chirrut did not.  Without further hesitation, he commed Chirrut. 

 

“How do you turn this damn thing on?” Chirrut’s voice erupted over the speakers.  Hastily, Kay turned them down and remembered that the older men did not behave well with any form of technology.  

 

“It’s on.”

 

“Oh, Kay--what have you done this time?”

 

“I have done nothing.  On the contrary, it is what has been done to me.”

 

There was a short pause followed by what sounded like cloth rubbing together.  It was then that he heard Bodhi’s voice. “Kay, is something wrong? Did you need us to come back?”

 

“Nothing wrong necessarily happened.  I was visited by Bey who gave me information that needed to go to the Captain.”

 

“What information?”  This voice was Chirrut’s who sounded a bit distant from the comm.

 

“I do not know.  It is for Cassian.”  Again, Kay flipped the chip through his fingers and cocked his head to the side.  “There is also a holo for Jyn.”

 

There was a longer pause and he could hear some commotion from the background.  There was another rustling noise that he assumed was from the comm being passed once again.  “Cassian will not be back for some time and this might be important. We need to know if we should comm him now or if this information can wait,” Baze said.

 

“What you say does make sense.”

 

“Of course it does,” interrupted Chirrut.  “Now look at it and tell me what you see.”

 

Kay flipped the chip once more and then stuck it into the console.  Those sounded like orders and even though Chirrut was not exactly his superior, he was always told to mind Chirrut whenever there was an argument.  So, if Cassian got mad for him looking at the contents of the chip, he could always blame the older man.

 

Immediately, there were several documents that appeared on the screen, all with the stamp of the house of Mothma.  Kay read through the massive amounts of wording while he heard the muffled sounds of the bazaar over the comm. When he got to the end, he felt his jaw unhinge.

 

“Hello?  Kay--do you need us to come back?” Bodhi asked.

 

“No need.  And it is not imperative to comm Cassian back.  This information can wait.” He shut down all the documents and retrieved the chip, wondering if he should burn it or perhaps accidentally lose it.  But then, if he did so, he would not be a good, meticulous, first mate.

 

“What was the information?” Chirrut nudged politely.  

 

“It is,” he began, feeling his mouth go dry.  “There are several sets of documents. It has been -- Cassian has been given land and made into a Lord.”

 

“That’s great news,” Bodhi chimed in.  “I’m sure he’ll be happy to have a place to park Rogue One and take a rest as well as build cottages for all of us.”

 

“That’s not--that’s not the end of it.  He’s been...betrothed to marry Jyn as soon as possible, under orders of Mon Mothma and seconded by Draven Dravits.”

 

There was another very, very long pause.  “H--hello?” Kay asked.

 

“Hold on, Kay.  I think Chirrut just fainted,” Bodhi murmured,  “We’ll get right back to you as soon as possible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The custom mentioned by Cassian in the first part where the knuckles of an elder are pressed to a younger person's forehead is a Filipino tradition. Per wikipedia, "Mano or pagmamano is an 'honoring-gesture' used in Filipino culture performed as a sign of respect to elders and as a way of requesting a blessing from the elder."
> 
> Also, not too sure when the next chapter will be up. I have the day off tomorrow so I can work on it but I am hoping that it will be up by next weekend.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Removing his datapad from his hip, Cassian glanced up at her through the hair that had fallen over his face. He needed a haircut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks to all that are reading, have stayed with the story, are new to the story, and especially to those that have left comments and kudos--you are my motivation!

Standing inside a tiny warehouse, Jyn peered around at all the figures that stood near her and Yarna.  There were various species from all different planets--more than she had ever seen in her lifetime. Yet, despite being different, she could still see the same thread in all of them ,tying them together.  It was in the way that they stood, as if they owned the entire place, their heads held high and eyeing all those around them in challenge. Their clothes were similar as well, cut in all the same patterns and high end material that stank of power and money.  The one surprising thing she found was that no one else was talking to each other despite being crammed into a small space.

 

Surrounding the individuals were barren walls that held the bare minimum of what appeared to be durasteel planks haphazardly soldered together.  There were cracks, however, letting in a soft breeze that battled against the incessant body heat that dominated the warehouse. Jyn had sidled closer to one, preferring the coolness against her back so that she would not overheat.  Above them, harsh lights shined down from powerful bulbs that hummed softly, giving everyone a washed out, cadaverous look that was not at all appealing.

 

The only thing of importance seemed to be a platform at the center of the crowd.  It had been constructed hastily, bent nails apparent in the wooden structure, but sturdy enough that an armor clad figure could stand at the edge with its hands at the small of it's back and its feet shoulder width apart.  From her vantage point, she could not see much else than that.

 

Beside her, Yarna was still, though her body radiated an anxiety ridden energy that was distracting.  Jyn found herself slipping a hand around the older woman's shoulders to help sooth her. In response, Yarna turned, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, and laid a gentle hand on Jyn's cheek conveying a message that she could not quite grasp.  Growing up in a household that lacked gentle caresses, she found the message lost on her and was saddened to realize this.

 

Yarna's countenance had shifted from the moment the large man had been defeated.  While Jyn stared at the unconscious figure that tried to pick her pocket, Cassian had materialized out of nowhere and started sifting through the felled man’s pockets.  At closer inspection, the rather large man appeared to be well over two meters in height and was heavyset. He was dressed as a beggar, though his face was much too full to have ever not missed a meal.  It was that, more than anything, that betrayed what he truly was. “He’s not what he appears to be,” Yarna murmured. With the toe of her shoe, she shoved the large man’s lapel to the side, and the edge of a tattoo appeared.

 

Cassian glanced at her in the moment and shook his head ever so slightly.   _Hush_ , he seemed to say.  The captain’s fingers were quick as he searched but there wasn't much of anything--a handful of rolling papers, scraps of dirty photos, 2 credits and one key card with something etched onto it.

 

Cassian led them into an alley before passing the key card to Yarna who had taken it in her delicate fingers and stared at the back.  “What does it mean,” she asked as she passed it over to Jyn. There were three sets of numbers and letters scratched in some sort of cipher along the back.

 

Thinking about the tattoo, Jyn traced the etchings with her fingers and something gnawed at her memories.  The pattern was similar to the ones she had seen in Saw's salon. He would receive dozens of them from his cadre, letting him know shipment locations that he could disrupt.  “Coordinates,” she breathed.

 

Removing his datapad from his hip, Cassian glanced up at her through the hair that had fallen over his face.  He needed a haircut. “How'd you guess?”

 

“The way they’re set.”  Drawing closer to Cassian, she held the key in front of them and he bent down so that a bit of his hair tickled her cheek.  She tried to ignore the tingling sensation and focus on what was in front of her. The scratches were harsh and jagged in a style that she was familiar with.  She recalled seeing the same symbols on Saw’s writing desk on a beige colored envelope with a wax seal along the back. The wax seal...it looked like the tattoo.  Saw had opened it, read the contents and grimaced. A curse ripped past his teeth as he declared that he would send his entire arsenal against that horrendous syndicate. “It’s the Black Sun,” she murmured.

 

Her eyes were on Cassian as she watched a tiny flicker of dread cross his features before he smoothed it out once again.  It was clear that he knew about the syndicate, and if so, he knew what they smuggled around the galaxy. A fowl taste invaded her mouth.  

 

“Can you read it?”

 

The nod she offered was wooden.  Were they really going to a Black Sun meeting?  The man who she had managed to knock had to be part of that syndicate?  If that were the case, she would probably have another bounty on her head in a matter of hours.

 

“Good job.  You’ve been nothing but a value to us since coming onboard,” he commented and what was probably meant as nothing had caused her face to get heated.  

 

She kept her head down as she read the coordinates to Cassian while Yarna stood at the mouth of the alleyway, her fingers trembling as she clutched the corner of the wall.  When they finally set the coordinates, Cassian’s datapad showed them the location of a small warehouse in the middle of nowhere. “It isn’t too far away,” Yarna murmured. “An hour walk.  We need to go” she said with conviction. Her face had gone blank at that moment and she murmured, “We’re already late.” It had caught Jyn’s attention then--that sad look that was growing worse by the second.

 

Like she knew something terrible was coming.

 

* * *

 

To say that Saw was terrified would be a vast understatement.  One second, Krennic was there--a heavy drain on his mind--and the next, he had flown away.  The part of his brain that lived for suspicion, wondered if he had been notified of Shara Bey’s departure.  It almost coincided as there was almost three days time between Shara’s leaving versus Krennic.

 

The last person to see Krennic was Draven and when asked, Draven shook his head, equally as confused.  “He received a comm and left the room. Somehow, he avoided all of Mothma’s security videos, though we do see see him walking down the hallway speaking idly about the weather.”

 

Replaying the security footage had been all that Saw had done since Krennic’s departure.  He watched the way the man walked and talked, practically memorizing the subtle moves of his face.  At that point, after so many rewatches and studying, he could tell when Krennic was uttering real laughter versus fake laughter.

 

“What are you doing?” Mothma asked.  With Krennic gone and the house swept for any foreign electronics, Saw had the ability to move about freely but he stayed, locked behind walls, studying and waiting.

 

“Look here, Mothma,” he said, his voice scratchy from lack of use.  “Right here, his step hitches.” She peered at the video and frowned, obviously missing the way that Krennic’s foot shuffled so he played the section once again and pointed to it.  “He received news that he didn’t like--and watch his face right here--” he flicked his fingers over the screen to a three seconds ahead and there was a weird shift in Krennic’s features.  “This is right before he disappeared into another section of your home.”

 

“Saw, there is nothing.”

 

“No, trust me--it’s right here.  Whatever was said here, it had the power to get him off of our chests and whatever that message was?  We need to find out.”

 

For a long moment, Mothma stared at him before she lifted a hand and covered his, briefly halting him from replaying the footage.  “You’re worried.”

 

Thrusting his hand away from her grasp, Saw stood and began to pace the room, his face burning with anger.  “We haven’t heard anything,” he blurted out, unable to control the volume of his voice. “Not from your intelligence officer on Coruscant, or that woman, Shara or,” he gulped, “or your captain.  For all we know, they could be dead.”

 

“Have hope, Saw.”

 

“Hope?” he screeched incredulously.  “Have you seen what is happening to our home?  To our galaxy? Hope. There is nothing left of it while these--these Krennics run around freely.  We need to act.”

 

Mothma stared at Saw, her eyes hardened with an emotion that he could not decipher.  “We need to know how to, first. We lack too many resources to act rashly under the circumstances.  You know this better than anyone.”

 

Grinding his teeth together, he knew on a deep level that she was right but how could he sit still when--when everything was getting thrust into chaos.  “If you need resources, I will get you those resources,” he hissed.

 

“So you align with us?”

 

“Will you keep Jyn safe?”

 

Mothma nodded solemnly.  “She is under my protection as well as Draven’s, the council's and, of course, the captain’s.  Nothing will happen to her.”

 

“Then you have my word, Mothma.”

 

* * *

 

Their trip to the warehouse had been quiet.  Despite wanting to reignite their conversation about her parents and why Yarna would suspect that one or both of them was Force sensitive, but the chance for chatter was halted.  There were too many individuals making the same trek as them and Jyn would not be able to utter the word “Force” without catching someone’s attention. Instead, she kept her head down and walked quietly, though she watched and studied the surrounding landscape.  

 

It was during the procession that she saw their target--the wife of the nobleman.  A waif of a woman, her thin body was covered in a topaz medium length, double-breasted coat that was trimmed in fur.  Her hair was pulled into tight, thick braid that fell along her back and down past her hips--it was just as her husband had said.  What would she want to do with a Black Sun auction?

 

Even as they entered the warehouse, Jyn kept an eye on the woman.  She didn’t appear to have servants waiting on her or know anyone else.  Instead, she walked with her eyes cast down and her gloved hands perpetually clasped together.  And even when the heat of the warehouse grew unbearable, she still did not shrug off her coat and remained perfectly still.  It irked Jyn to witness someone like that and for a second, she turned away.

 

Cassian, as usual, was nowhere to be seen.  Banished to the outside, he was required to wait with the other servants in the cold.  Before entering, he had touched her wrist briefly and whispered in her ear, “Be safe.” He did something similar to Yarna who patted him on the forearm as she nodded her head in ascent.  He left them with his head held high and completely confident, his trust in her as palpable as his worry.

 

There was a flurry in the room as the armor clad figure finally moved.  Jyn returned her attention to the stage and watched as the figure dropped its arms to it’s side and moved to stage left.  Jyn could hear gears groan into the silence and suddenly, a hooded individual appeared from the floor, slowly. Their arms were bound in heavy chains that seemed to drag their body closer to the floor and their clothes were torn and dirt stained.  The figure removed the hood and revealed a scared and cowering Utapaun underneath.

 

“We will start the bidding at 10 credits,” a hollowed out voice said.

 

Hands moved up and the bidding continued to go higher.

 

Jyn peared around at all the faces, staring at them solemnly.  Her target had yet to look up. She tapped Yarna on the arm and directed the older woman’s attention in that direction but Yarna was too busy staring at the stage.

 

The next appeared and there was another bid war that Jyn did not really pay any attention to.  The fact that she was amongst this group was already turning her stomach and she wanted nothing to do other than set the captives free and burn the place down.  It was only the fact that Yarna’s hand had clamped down on her knuckles that made Jyn realize that she was revealing too much of her anger and needed to pull her mask back together.

 

The target still hadn’t moved but now she was holding a jeweled crystal around her neck.  There was something familiar about her--maybe the red sash that fell below her coat was similar to her mother’s.  Her mother, she recalled, always wore it and took great care of the fabric. Jyn had never asked why or what it was for, believing she had all the time in the world to find out.  

 

How wrong she had been.

 

The third bid started and Jyn was so preoccupied with the woman who stood so still that she missed the fact that there was a soft gasp that escaped her companion’s lips.  Yarna pivoted so that she could face Jyn and tugged on Jyn’s sleeve. “You will run when I say run, okay?” Yarna said.

 

Jyn blinked and stared into the face of the older woman.  The sadness was still there, at the edges of her features, but there was something burning brighter that could only be quantified as determination.  Her small, compact frame was rigid as she again turned toward the stage and Jyn watched in shocked surprise as Yarna placed a bid.

 

Slowly, Jyn turned her attention to the center of the warehouse where the platform lay.  Her eyes went past the armor clad figure to the individual who had been brought up. A woman was sitting on the floor, her entire body bent and twisted as chains bound her in an unnatural position.  Long, dull colored rags barely covered her body, but what was the most eye catching was the red sash that she wore--dirty, of course, but it was the only color that splashed out at Jyn.

 

The armored figure bent and pulled the hood away from the woman’s face and her long brown hair, the same color as Jyn’s natural hair, was a tangled mess.  Her cheekbones were protruding against her skin as if she had not had anything to eat in years and slightly bore a resemblance to a skeleton. But it was that woman’s gaze that made all the blood drain from Jyn’s face.  Those bright brown eyes that were clear as day were boring into hers, mirroring Jyn’s own shock.

 

It took all her strength not to cry out as she stared, horrified, at her mother.  There were lacerations all over her arms and legs. She wondered if they were infected and if they caused her mother more pain.  Jyn wanted to cry but held herself firm. Now was not the time and at that moment, she needed her wits more than anything else.

 

“Are you ready, nephew?” Yarna hissed in Jyn’s ear.

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

Yarna smiled sadly.  “Just this,” she said and raised her hand.

 

* * *

 

Screaming erupted from the warehouse and like the other servants, Cassian stared.  They had been corralled into a section of land a few meters away and unprotected from the winds that had started to gather momentum.  There was a rope that was tied around four pillars to show exactly where the servants were allowed to go and there were no seats for anyone unless they wanted to be seated in the dewey grass.  A large security guard stood at the entrance of the confinement, earnestly watching the scene unfold.

 

“We should get outta here,” one of the servants said, their voice shaking with fear.  

 

The security guard turned, then and said, “You may not leave unless your noble picks you up.”

 

“B--but they’re just running away,” another protested and the security guard’s hand immediately went to the blaster on their hip.

 

At the warehouse, nobles poured out, running as fast as they could.  There were various looks of terror on their faces and Cassian could only imagine what had caused them to be that agitated.  Different scenarios were playing in his head and he had to know--he had to see what was happening.

 

“Stay here,” the guard commanded and started off toward the warehouse, pulling the blaster from it’s hip.

 

“Well, shit, I’m not going near there,” one servant whispered.

 

“Not like they don’t deserve it,” another whispered back.

 

Cassian touched his comm and opened a channel but all he heard was screaming.  Dread and fear clouded his mind and he found himself taking stuttering steps forward.  Then, Yarna’s voice broke through the fray, drenched in fear and anger. “Run,” she screamed.  “Run, now!”

 

Darkness clouded his vision.  Whatever was happening, he had to help them--he had to protect them.  Otherwise….otherwise...

 

Jumping over the rope, he took off toward the warehouse without a second thought.

 

* * *

 

Terror welled inside her body, but still she continued to fight as sweat dribbled down her forehead.  Her muscles screamed in protest while she whipped her truncheon in an arc and felt the impact as it collided against muscle.   _Don’t think; act_.  The words danced in her head, a lesson that Saw burned into her soul when he insisted that she learn how to fight smarter than those brawlers that were part of his cadre.

 

Twisting, she quickly swerved, feeling the heat of a blaster bolt fly past her face, her skin prickling at the sensation while she darted forward.  Changing the grip on the truncheon, she swung it sideways, cracking the guard against the temple. The sound of bone breaking echoed in the small warehouse.

 

Without any hesitation, she twisted her body and landed a kick into the center of a being twice her size.  In quick succession, she brought her truncheons down once again, aiming for the temples, the eyes and any other body part she knew would be vulnerable.  She was quick and efficient, practice making her lethal.

 

By the time the large being had fallen, Jyn was breathing hard, her hair plastered to her skin. A shaky hand brushed her fringe to the side while her heart pounded against her chest.  Five beings, covered in armor all laid at her feet, their blood smearing the floor. Yet more were on the way. Jyn held tighter to the truncheons and watched as more armor clad individuals flew from the corners of nowhere, each charging toward her.

 

Meanwhile, noble folks were tearing their way through the doors and trying to break through the walls--anything to get out of the vicinity as fast as possible.  Their eyes were wide, their mouths filled with screams as they kept a wide berth around Yarna, the small feeble woman who had caused the nightmare. As Jyn fought the new onslaught, she replayed Yarna’s movements--a hand in the sky that she quickly brought forward, as if she were thrusting a sword into a body--and just as suddenly, the being on the platform was thrown back, landing in the middle of the crowd, crushing a few individuals beneath it’s figure.  Then, everything became chaos.

 

“Run,” Yarna’s voice pierced through the commotion.  “Run, now!”

 

Guards were heading toward them and Jyn could only react, fighting with everything she had.  Yarna, she instinctively knew, was heading toward the center of the room, individuals flying out of her path as she stepped onto the stage and laid a hand on Jyn’s mother’s hair and touched the chains.  The noble woman that they had been searching for was also scurrying onto the stage holding onto keys that she had procured from one of the fallen guards.

 

Bone crunched and Jyn bit her lip to keep herself from shrieking.  A guard had captured her hand and twisted it behind her, pulling it further back until her muscles and bones cried out.  Her left arm was utterly useless.

 

Suddenly, there was a blur beside her and she felt the guard’s grip loosen.  Jyn slipped out and focused on the other brawlers that stood in front of her.  Sweeping forward, she twisted and used her legs to knock someone off their feet.  Quickly, she focused on another as someone-- Cassian--shoved a blaster into her working hand.  He then rushed away to face another bombardment as Jyn fired the blaster, downing several guards in a matter of seconds.

 

“Nephew, servant” Yarna bellowed.  “To me.”

 

Jyn kept firing at any individual that charged toward her, but started stepping backward toward the platform.  Twisting, she turned toward Yarna and ran. Her energy was depleting and her body was aching but still, she trudged forward and fell beside Yarna, her mother, and the noble woman.

 

“Please, just make sure that Lyra survives,” the noble woman whispered, her voice mousy and her eyes still cast down.  She was holding tightly to Jyn’s mother’s hand as she said those words, but there was strength that surrounded her and even though Jyn could not feel anything, she sensed that there was something protecting them.   Reaching into her pockets, the noble woman pulled out a datastick and handed it to Jyn. “It’s filled with the credits we owe you--tell my husband that you’ve completed your mission. Tell him that I’m sorry.”

 

Beside her, Cassian was breathing just as hard as she was, his eyes had gone cold and his knuckles were bloody while he stared at more guards that were slipping into the building.  She had not heard when he had approached them, his steps always quiet and quick, but now she eyed him wearily, remembering Chirrut’s words.

 

_...You must watch him since I cannot..._

 

Breathing slow and deep, the way that Cassian taught her, she touched his hand with her fingertip.  “You with me?” she asked.

 

Carefully, he braced his hands behind his back and took a deep breath.  Despite being in a fight, his clothes, unremarkable greys and browns mashed together, fell back onto his body as if he had not fought at all.  His breathing slowed and he gulped. “All the way, sir.”

 

“Good,” Yarna managed to say.  “Now take Lyra and get out of here.”

 

“What about you,” Jyn pushed.  “How do we get you back?”

 

“You don’t,” Yarna murmured and dropped a light kiss on Jyn’s forehead.  “This is what I have seen for myself and what I have feared for myself...but today,” Yarna turned her eyes to Cassian who was looking at her with wonder.  “Today, I stop hiding who I am and live as who I was meant to be.”

 

The noble woman also nodded in agreement.  “The empire will not win.”

 

Turning her back to them, Yarna faced the guards and said, “May the Force be with you,” before she charged into the crowd.

 

* * *

 

“Read it all to me again,” Chirrut murmured.

 

Bodhi sat in front of him, exhausted.  His eyes were burning from having stared at a screen for what seemed like days.  “We’ve read it a total of nine thousand times--nothing has changed.”

 

“But it has!”  Chirrut interjected.  “Mothma _requests_ that Cassian marries Jyn and not commands it.”

 

“So?”

 

“Knowing that idiot, he’ll fuck this up, somehow.”

 

“Thank the Force,” Kay interjected.

 

“You don’t want him to marry her?” Baze asked curiously as he counted his liquor bottles once again.  “Kay, you said Lady Bey only drank the one but there are several bottles missing.”

 

Bodhi snorted.  “If Bey was on the ship, none of the alcohol is safe.  Check if she filled the clear one with water.”

 

“It isn’t that I don’t want them to be married,” Kay replied.  “It’s the thought of their spawn that really gives me the shakes.  Imagine his terrible humor mixed with her dogmatic nature? There will be bad jokes everywhere!”

 

“Well, on the plus side, neither of them are very talkative so their kid would probably just think all the bad jokes rather than say them,” Bodhi countered.

 

There was a ping on the screen--a comm from their captain.

 

“He probably knew we were talking about him,” Bodhi muttered before he opened the channel.

 

“Prep the ship, Bodhi.  We’re flying out as soon as we get on board.”

 

“Aye-aye, sir.”

 

Usually Cassian would shut the channel off right away but this time he kept it open.  Suddenly, he asked, “What were you doing?”

 

“What?” Bodhi asked.

 

“You sound suspicious.  What happened while we were gone?”

 

Bodhi glanced at Kay, then Chirrut and finally Baze.  All of them shook their heads, making sure Bodhi didn’t let anything about the message slip.  “Nothing.”

 

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head about, Captain,” Chirrut answered at the same time.

 

“I don’t trust any of you,” Cassian muttered then shut the line off.

 


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was something off about her silhouette. Not that he often studied her shape...he merely noticed it from time to time whenever she was near.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. It has been very long--much longer than anticipated.
> 
> I'm not overly happy with how this chapter turned out but I have been sitting on it for so long. Maybe one day, I can rewrite it.

Fatigue was gaining on him.  He could feel it at the edge of his sanity, weaving its way through his muscles and dragging him toward oblivion.  He had first noticed the strains while he was in the warehouse, fighting, but had ignored it then. In the monotony of trudging through long and dusty roads, walking for what felt like hours with only craters as his view, his mind kept returning to his exhaustion.  Glancing down at the woman that that he carried in his arms, she felt like lead, weighing him down and stunting each step forward. He hefted her higher in his grip, but she still didn't stir which made him believed that she was drugged.

 

Lyra, Yarna had called the woman.  Lyra with long brown hair and threads of gray intertwined into the strands.  Her face was marked with bruises and wrinkles but beneath it all, he could see a murmur of resemblance between her and Jyn.  The soft slope of their cheeks matched perfectly as well as their full lips. They both had long lashes and a soft arch to their eyebrows.  Even their ears were the same.

 

_Save Lyra._

 

Two months ago, he had received the distress signal that landed him in Coruscant.  The source was unknown, but the high-level encryption meant that whoever had sent it was brilliant with covering their tracks.  With permission from Draven, he had gone to investigate, chasing after whispers that emerged in the darkness until he found a listing of trade routes that all originated from Coruscant and spread out to locations such as Tatooine, Jedha, Kafrene and more.  Why Lyra would be associated with trade routes, he had no idea but he felt that if he could just wake her, he would have the key to unlocking all the mysteries around him.

 

And Jyn…

 

Jyn would finally be reunited with this woman.  She would leave the crew and start a new life on the lands of Lah’mu and find that elusive happiness that she desired.  On some level, he was excited for her but there was a whole other part of him that felt devastated by this knowledge. In the short time that he had gotten to know her, he was…

 

He felt...

 

Shit, he was so tired.

 

For a brief second, he stopped and tried to focus once again.  Glancing up, he caught sight of Jyn walking about fifty or so paces in front of him.  She was far enough ahead of him that whenever someone approached just beyond the bend, she would send him a signal and he had enough time to hide behind a boulder.  Their situation did prove to be rather unexplainable and at that moment, he didn’t think he had the mental capacity to form a coherent lie should someone ask what had happened.

 

Despite her litheness and stoic expression, he could tell that something was wrong.  Her body swayed with weariness, but he couldn’t fault her for that; she had fought dozens of people in a stuffy warehouse before and after a long trek.  Sometime ago, she had discarded her vest, the heavy material stained with so much sweat, dirt and blood that it was deemed unusable but good enough to wrap around the unconscious woman.  Jyn had been gentle then, taking great care not to disturb Lyra as she laid the coat over her still form.

 

There was something off about her silhouette.  Not that he often studied her shape...he merely noticed it from time to time whenever she was near.  He blinked, thinking that his brain had been damaged, but nothing had changed; one of her shoulders was lower than the other.  For how long, he had no idea but something dark flitted across his mind and the urge to destroy whoever did that to her overcame his senses.  

 

He had to fix it and relieve her from any further pain.

 

Setting Lyra to the side of the road, he was about to call out to her when her hand waved, signaling him to hide.  About to do as directed, he saw her step off the path only to see that the land speeder had changed direction, heading straight toward her.  His body reacted, taking off at great speed with only the urge to get to her before she got hurt. He didn't even realize he had yelled anything until he felt the burn of a scream in his throat.

 

Her reaction was fluid and she managed to dodge just as the speeder grazed her thigh.  Her face contorted as a fresh wave of pain filled her and the anger that constantly simmered inside of Cassian swelled until all the fatigue and pain vanished in an instant.  The driver whipped the vehicle in a tight turn and accelerated, heading straight for her again. Mummified in brownish rags of cloth with dark red goggles and a breathing mask, it was difficult to get a read on the driver.  Still, cracks of cloth revealed a sickeningly faded mark over the neck. The mother fucker was part of the Black Sun.

 

Cassian leapt, rolling along the hood of the speeder.  Swinging his leg around he jammed it into the face of the driver, reveling in the feel of the satisfying crack of bones jolting through his body.  Quickly, he shoved himself up and descended on the driver, swinging with precise movements until he felt splashes of blood bathing his knuckles.

 

He wasn't quite sure when the land speeder had stopped but took full advantage.  Cassian hauled the driver out of the vehicle and threw the body to the ground, watching it bounce slightly as its appendages sailed in the air.  Cassian quickly followed, his face calm as he slammed his boot into the driver's neck. He leaned his weight into it--just enough to let the knowledge of asphyxiation set into the driver’s consciousness.  A little more weight meant he would crush the windpipe.

 

“What are you doing?” Jyn breathed into his ear, using her body to shove him back.

 

He stumbled for a second before regaining his balance.  “Finishing a job,” he stated calmly.

 

“You can't,” she said, a crease appearing between her brows.  

 

Her hand laid flat on his chest, the warmth of it doing funny things with his emotions.  Something inside him snapped and he hissed, “It tried to kill you.”

 

Her eyes searched his and for a short breath, he caught the quiver of fear in her gaze.  Force, what was wrong with him. What had she said to him not long ago when his guilt had nearly demolished him?  

 

_If you keep striving to be better..._

 

He was fucking it up.  He was fucking all of it up.  What was wrong with him? Why was he doing any of this?  He was a monster--nothing more than a tool used by those faceless men to ruin everything that he touched.

 

And Jyn was…

 

To him, she was…

 

He couldn't destroy her.

 

Her eyes were calm as they stared into his.  Slowly, her hand slid up, coasting along his chest and curling around his shoulder until he felt her fingers stroking the back of his neck.  Her head descended and pressed against him. “But,” she began quietly as a tremor ran through her, “it didn't. I’m -- I'm still here.”

 

Her voice held a note of regret and that more than anything struck a chord deep within him, shattering the anger until it was no more. Instead he was left with a bit of knowledge that all this time, she was trying her best to hide her pain, both physical and emotional, but he had been too distracted to notice.  He understood that guilt that was starting to take root in her heart and even though it was not her fault, she would carry the responsibility of Yarna's life until the day she perished. All he could do was wind his arms around her frame, careful of that shoulder.

 

Her sweet scent filled his nostrils and he leaned in closer, pulling her flush against him and hoped he could take away some of her agony.  Without meaning to, his fingers threaded into her hair and massaged the back of her head, pulling loose the tie that bound it into a tail.

 

_If you keep striving to be better, to choose more right than wrong, that says a lot about you._

 

What did he want to be?

 

In her arms, the answer was simple.

 

After a moment, he pulled away and caressed her cheek.  Jyn leaned into his hand, a look of serenity beginning to invade her features.  

 

He smiled and said, “Get on your back.”

 

In an instant, her eyes bloomed into large saucers and she jolted away as if she were burned.  “You can't seriously be turned on by a sad girl,” she cried out in shock.

 

He reflected on his words and realized just how scandalous it actually sounded.   _Bravo, Andor_ he mentally berated himself.  “Do you really think so low of me?"

 

Jyn shoved him in the chest.  “Who makes a request like that?”

 

“A guy that wants to pop your shoulder back in.”

 

“Oh.”   

 

Helping her to the ground, he commented, “Oh? You sound disappointed.”

 

Her lips pressed together into a thin line.  While she was distracted, he began his work. “Why would I be disappointed?” she finally huffed.

 

“You tell me.”

 

“I'm just flummoxed.  You could've used a better phrase.”

 

“Such as…?”

 

“Let me fix your arm would've been good.”

 

“How about, ‘Move your arm?’”

 

“That's fine, too.  Better than ‘get on your back’ with that eye fucking thing that you do.”

 

“Eye fucking?” he asked, completely nonplussed.  Shaking his head slightly, there was no time for this conversation, he said, “See if you can move your arm.”

 

“We're done?”  

 

He helped her sit up and she swung her arm.  It was small, but he caught her wince. He'd need to put some salve on it later.  “Judging my performance?”

 

“I was just surprised at how fast you were.”

 

“Did you want me to drag it out?”

 

The smile faltered on her face and he could clearly see the answer she was about to utter before she turned away.  She felt like she deserved more pain.

 

“I--” he began.

 

“The light’s fading.  We need to go.” She dusted her pants and headed to the land speeder taking a moment to kick the collapsed member of the Black Sun.  “I'm going to hotwire this speeder. We can use it to bring my mom back to the ship.”

 

He glanced at the woman, laying unceremoniously in a heap by a large rock.  At least he had been right about that one assessment. Grimacing, he whispered, “Well, that was a bad first impression.”

 

“Lucky for you she's unconscious.”

 

* * *

 

They had pulled up to the ship kilometers away where Baze stood with a contraption that looked like a heavily modded bug detector.  Saw had a similar one in his study that he used every few days in order to make sure that there was nothing out of the ordinary. Baze nodded her way before handing the mechanism to Cassian.  

 

She was happy it was Baze who had come to greet them.  His gentle silence was warm and comforting like a blanket on a cool day.  Wordlessly, the large man slipped into the driver’s side of the speeder while Cassian checked the vehicle.  Finding a bug in the trunk, she heard Cassian's sigh before he opened it and retrieved the tracking device. His journey wasn't done quite yet and she did not envy him one bit.  Their eyes caught and for a second, her breath stilled.

 

“See you,” Baze murmured, inadvertently breaking the moment.  Cassian tore his gaze away and gave Baze a short bob of his head before the large man drove Jyn and her mother the remainder of the way back to the ship.  She turned to see Cassian, bug in hand, walking in the opposite direction.

 

In the speeder, Baze showed no signs of emotion and she felt herself lean her head against his broad shoulder, shocked at how comfortable he was.  She could feel herself fading into her fatigue but fought against it. Glancing down at her, he whispered, “Sleep,” and so she did.

 

When she awoke, some time had passed.  A blanket had been tucked around her shoulders and the surroundings were familiar--she was back in the captain’s room.  Judging from the smooth but gentle pull of the ship, they were already in space, flying to some unknown destination.

 

Pushing herself up, she slid her legs out of the bed and felt her bones groan at the movement. For a second, she buried her head in her hands as emotions flooded her.  Regret. Anger. Sadness. It was overwhelming and a sob nearly escaped her gritted teeth. Shoving her hands through her hair, she looked up and found a small basin, a pitcher, and a sponge. Gingerly, she stood and staggered toward the water, drinking some of it and washing with the rest.  Her body and conscience felt dirty but no matter how much she scrubbed, she felt hopelessly stained.

 

Shoving off her clothes, she dropped the sordid material in the corner of the room.  Slowly, she went to her bag and found a white chemise that she still hadn't used. Slipping it over her head, she hoped to feel some sense of normalcy but it evaded her.  The warehouse seeped in her mind's eye, instead.

 

Was Saw right in his dismissiveness of her?  Was the tonne on Courscant justified in their assessment of her?

 

Why had she been so useless?

 

The thoughts were sticky and dark, amassing and gaining girth.  It surrounded her mind, clouding her until it engulfed her. More questions piled on, stretching her mind, threatening to shatter her.  What if…? What if…? What if…?

 

There was a light tap in her door followed by a whoosh but she was too distracted to notice it.  It wasn't until she heard the light cough that she whirled around and faced the captain. Immediately, he cast his eyes down.  

 

He looked better than when he was on the ground.  Freshly showered, his hair was brushed away from his face so that she could easily see the blush that spread on his cheeks.  A simple white shirt beneath a dark waistcoat with matching trousers and dark, pointed shoes completed his attire. Despite his clean appearance, she could see the exhaustion in the deep lines of his face and the way his shoulders sagged slightly.  Had he had a chance to rest?

 

“Sorry--didn’t know you were,” he cleared his throat, “not fully dressed.”  She looked down at her body and noticed that the material, though not fully transparent, was enough to see that she wore nothing beneath.  That explained the blush. “I came to give you this.” He held up a jar of white cream. “It’s for your shoulder. If you’d like, I could…?”

 

She nodded and sat back in the bed.  Pulling her chemise to the side, there was enough room to expose her aching shoulder.

 

Despite her lack of modesty, Jyn did not feel the burn of awkwardness as her eyes clouded over.   Reliving the moments in the warehouse, she wondered if she could have changed it in any small way.  Her eyes shifted to her hand where blood was embedded just beneath her nails. The skin around her knuckles was cracked, bruised, and dry.  Beneath her fingertips, she could feel the rough fabric of Yarna’s gown still scratching her.

 

If only...if only she were better.

 

Beyond her daze, she could feel Cassian's feather light caresses as he smoothed the cream on her injuries.  The pain was what it was, though Jyn welcomed it. It was less than what Yarna experienced and less than what Jyn deserved.  Again, her thoughts drifted back to the warehouse and she watched the events unfold, judging each flaw of movement that she made.  It was during the moment that Cassian breezed in, handing her his weapon, that she remembered that she hadn’t thanked him.

 

His eyes flickered to hers before landing back on her shoulder.  “Welcome back,” he murmured. Pulling out a handkerchief from his pocket, he began to wipe his fingers.  This close to him, she could see just how tired he really was. How long did it take him to find a spot for that bug?  “This cream will help speed up your healing but your body still needs time to rest.”

 

She nodded and lowered her eyes.

 

“Eyes up here, Erso,” he spoke gruffly, startling her.  His hand darted out and slid beneath her chin, tipping her head back up before he pulled away.

 

“What?”

 

He frowned and said, “Don’t want you seeing the raging hard on.  It isn’t decent. You're a lady after all.”

 

As if she hadn’t seen one before.  “Not to worry, I didn't see a thing.”

 

He grabbed at his chest, pretending he had been struck by a stray knife.  “You wound my pride.”

 

“No,” she laughed, “I meant--”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“I’m not a virgin.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m...not…”  She might as well tell him.  He would probably hear of it anyway if he were going to be near Coruscant.  “I was ruined."

 

Shockingly, he did not look the least bit scandalized.  “Then I've been ruined many times.”

 

“It doesn't work for men in the same way.”

 

“Well that doesn't seem fair.  If you're intention was to quell my boner then you’ve failed.  You're in space. That doesn't matter up here.”

 

“Then…”

 

“Then?”

 

“Why aren't we...?”

 

“We…?”

 

Curse him, he was going to make her say it.  “Why haven’t we...fucked?”

 

“You are a lady.  A smart, headstrong, powerful, lady-hacker that sits way above my rank.  You deserve better than a lowlife like me.”

 

But...but he was so much more than a title.  Did he not see it? Did he truly not see how wonderful he was?  From the way he held his own in battles of wits to the way he laughed easily at himself.  The way he’d taken care of his ship and her crew, listening to each of their qualms and helping them with any solution.  With his simple presence, he calmed her. With his words, he intrigued her.

 

He pulled her chemise back up, drawing it over her skin slowly, effectively closing the topic.  “You should be fine in a day or so. We need to get you a sling.”

 

“I’m fine.  The pain’s fitting since I wasn’t able to help Yar--” she began but stopped and turned away, feeling caught.  She couldn't even begin to describe what her thoughts were as they whirled in her brain, jumping from one idea to the next in a haphazard frenzy.  The warehouse loomed in front of her all over again, arresting her in dark thoughts and she could almost hear the vacant cries of Yarna’s voice as she called Jyn closer to her.  How did one speak of this pain? Should she even talk about it since she deserved it?

 

She was terrible.  

 

She was slow.  

 

She was useless.  

 

She was...

 

Cassian dropped his hands lightly on her shoulders.  His face was kind, though pensive as he surveyed her face.  Did he notice how much her lips quivered or how she was trying her best to fight against the tears that threatened to destroy her?  Could he see the regret that was permanently etched onto the lines of her face.

 

“It’s okay,” he whispered, “I understand.”

 

She stared into those warm brown depths for a long breath.  All the nights on the cockpit, sharing stories and advice, there was always something melancholy about it.  With each confession, she could hear strains of sadness mixed in. It was something that was part of him. So, out of everyone in the galaxy, when he said that he understood, this man knew meant exactly that.  After a moment, she mumbled, “Can you?”

 

“Yeah.”  Falling into the vacant space next to her, he pulled her into a half hug.  “Look, Jyn, I may not be the best person to talk to. All I know is that the feelings won’t get any easier and may even get more confusing or dark or hurtful.  If you’re anything like me, it’ll be there, always, churning in the back of your mind, building and pitching, back and forth. Chirrut once told me that sometimes it is better to let it out than to keep it in so you don’t drown in those thoughts.”   He sighed and leaned back until his head was against the wall. “So, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here for you.”

 

“I don’t want to talk,” she murmured quietly.  “But, can you stay with me for a while longer?”

 

He smiled and said, “Yeah.  For as long as you want me to be here.”  

 

 _For always_ her heart yearned to say.

 

He toed off his shoes and they readjusted themselves on the bed.  He lay back and she curled herself around him, his arm snaking around her middle and holding her close.

 

* * *

 

It had been a long time since Cassian fully slept fitfully.  He was aware of the door opening several times and heard soft murmurs, but with Jyn holding him and him holding her in turn, he fell back to sleep peacefully.  

 

When he finally woke, Jyn was gone and in her place sat Chirrut wearing a blinding smile.

 

“Fuck,” he whispered.

 

“No thank you, Captain, though I am honored.”

 

Ignoring the cheeky response, Cassian sat up and shoved a hand through his hair.  “What time is it?”

 

“You have slept for ten hours with Ms. Erso and another six minutes without her.”

 

“Where did she go?”

 

“Baze tempted her with one of his cakes.  I have one for you as well.” Chirrut produced the item from his sleeve.  It was covered with a lovely purple cloth that he handed to Cassian before standing and turning away.  “I tested it for poisons, first.”

 

Cassian removed the cloth and found that the cake was half eaten.  “Thanks, I guess.” He ate a little of the cake and let the texture and taste paint his tongue in delicious honey and berries.  It was amazing. “Status of the mother?”

 

“She still hibernates.  I have...checked over her,” Chirrut said.  Cassian understood that to mean that he used the Force to investigate what was causing this long period of rest.  “Whatever has her under is very strong. I could barely sense her pulse, but it beats nonetheless. She is quite resilient.”

 

Finishing the rest of the cake, Cassian got out of bed and slipped on his shoes.  “Okay. I’ll check on her.”

 

As he made his way toward the door, Chirrut’s hand shot out and grabbed Cassian’s bicep.  For once, his face was completely serious as he said, “Anything I should know about on Kafrene.”

 

“Yarna…”

 

“You know what I meant.”

 

Sighing, Cassian said, “I went dark, twice, but nothing came of it.”

 

“Why?”

 

A slow smile spread over his face as he said, “Because...I keep striving to be better and to choose more right than wrong.”

 

For a moment, it appeared that Chirrut was conflicted but then his face softened.  “Sounds like you don’t need me anymore.”

 

Cassian laughed and they both walked out of the room and headed to the storage area.  “I’ll always need you. Who else will bust my balls and keep me in line?”

 

“I could think of four other people off the top of my head.”

 

“But none of them are better at it than you.”

 

Chirrut laughed and entered the room before Cassian.  “You know how to charm a man.”

 

When they entered, Bodhi was checking on the fluids that were currently attached to Jyn’s mother.  With so little room, the only place they could have a makeshift medbey was in the storage facility.  Jyn was already there, dressed in a wrinkled green frock that hugged her body well.

 

He could still feel her skin lingering on his and Cassian had to turn away otherwise he feared he would embarrass himself.  “Chirrut tells me that she still slumbers.”

 

“We don’t have the medical capacity aboard to help your mother,” Chirrut replied regretfully.

 

“But...Jedha does,” supplied Bodhi who stared at Lyra with such intensity.  All the attention shifted to him and he confronted it with a grim, yet determined set to his mouth.  “It'll...it’ll be fine.”

 

Watching Bodhi closely, knowing the full story, Cassian asked, “You sure?”

 

Bodhi nodded.  “It is important.”

 

Nodding, Cassian said, “Then we go to Jedha.”

 

* * *

 

There were things that Jyn noticed as they flew closer to Jedha.  One of the main things was that Bodhi began getting more nervous and his large eyes, filled with unending energy already, were practically darting everywhere.  His hands were constantly fidgeting and whenever anyone called his name, he would jump and jitter and the words that fell from his mouth came out scrambled.

 

It was Kay that would come to his side, patiently listening to the murmurs and guiding Bodhi in long strings of poetry in a beautiful sing song language that she had never heard.  It was after breakfast one morning, Cassian and Chirrut locked away in the crew quarters while she helped Baze clear the table, when she heard the poem once again. She stopped for a moment and glanced at Baze who gave her a slight nod.   _Go to them,_ the elder man seemed to say, so Jyn did.

 

Kay was piloting the ship, sitting perfectly straight in the Captain's chair while Bodhi shook in his own seat.  Jyn touched his shoulder with her fingertips and felt the jolt run through his body. He turned slightly, his eyes glued to her face and an apologetic grin twisting his lips.  “That's a lovely poem,” she murmured. “What is it that you're saying?”

 

It was Kay that spoke.  He had gotten a little more friendly with Jyn since she helped him with his virus often talking with her about theories on snipping codes from the virus to change it into something entirely new.  He adjusted the controls in front of him and said, “Its an old Jedhan legend about a child that forgot who it was and went in search to find memories.”

 

Bodhi smiled fondly.  “The professors would t-tell it to us when my siblings and I had to sit for our lessons.”  Again, his hands shifted and drew Jyn’s gaze lower. She could see him picking at his sleeves and ruining his clothes.  Thread had already been pulled and the edges were frayed. “It’s a story told by mouth, only. I had to memorize it in order to become a monk.”

 

She blinked, not quite sure what she had heard.  Bodhi as a monk? Her disbelief must have showed on her face before she could quickly hide it because Bodhi chuckled and shrugged.  “I was the youngest of 3 brothers. My oldest i-inherited the l-land, the s-second received an apprenticeship t-to t-t-train as a knight...there was no money for m-m-me by the time I came of age.”

 

It was the same as what nobility did with third and fourth boys in Coruscant.  It only made sense that the tradition would be on other planets controlled by the empire.  Meanwhile, women were expected to marry in order to have any form of money and if they did not they had to hope that there was a male relative that was kind.  

 

“What pulled you away from being a monk?” Jyn asked but when Bodhi became more withdrawn, she immediately regretted her question.

 

It was a small movement, but she saw Bodhi touch Kay briefly on the wrist.  “The empire destroyed Jedha before he could finish his lessons,” Kay replied stoically, as if reciting an essay from a book.  “They poisoned what little water was on planet by drilling it then torched what was left of it when they were done.”

 

“And your family?”

 

“Gone,” Bodhi said.

 

Jyn felt a giant weight in the pit of her stomach that sickened her.  Her legs wavered and she found herself leaning her hip on Bodhi’s seat for balance.

 

“They t-t-took a few of us.  Those that could work and do manual labor,” Bodhi continued after a moment.  “T-tortured us and eventually brought us to Kafrene...to the black markets,” he broke off and turned his eyes to space, staring blankly at the skies.  She could figure out the rest. “Anyone too feisty were given a Jedhan drug that would knock them out until they were given another dose.”

 

Such as her mother...

 

“He was being sold when Cassian found him,” Kay continued quietly.  

 

Bodhi's body began to shake anew and Jyn crouched next to him, her hands covering his.  She couldn't imagine that life and the horrors that he saw. But he was here with them now, part of this crew and part of her found family.  Even though there was fear in every tremor, she could still see his strength that lurked in his eyes. “Can you tell me the story in basic? I'd like to hear it.”

 

“It’s pretty long,” he replied.

 

“Well,” Kay said as he checked their coordinates, “we have time and unless Lady Erso learned how to breath in space, she isn’t going anywhere.”

 

Kay offered his seat but she refused, standing and listening to the entire story.  It was long and her mind weaved in and out of focus but her heart had overflowed with the knowledge that despite the memories of Jedha, he was still willing to go back for the sake of her mother.  As the story began to fade, she reached out and hugged Bodhi. “That was beautiful.”

 

“It’s easier in Jedhan.  I’ll teach it to you some time.”

 

“I’d love that,” she said.

 

* * *

 

Cassian stared at the documentation that Chirrut handed to him.  It was...startling and he had no idea what to do with the information.  

 

_Marry Jyn Erso._

 

He sat in the bottom bunk and went through the documents again, scrolling through each page.  There had to be some reason--more to it than this jumble of orders that was not just signed off by Mothma but by Draven as well.

 

“Do you have any spare parts?  Things you don’t need that I can use?”

 

Shocked, Cassian looked up to see the woman in question standing at the entrance, her hands behind her back as she looked up at Chirrut. “What kind of parts?” Chirrut asked.

 

He watched as a small crease appeared between her brows and she pursed her lips.  “Gears, mostly. Probably a switch or two?”

 

Not quite sure why she needed it, Cassian nodded slowly and said, “There’s some in my trunk.”  Switching off the datapad, he shoved it into his pocket and walked the few steps to where he kept his gear.

 

“Sorry if I’m interrupting,” she murmured from his shoulder as Cassian was delving into his trunk searching for the required materials that she requested.  “I just thought of something that I could do while we float around in space.”

 

He didn’t have to twist too far to give her the materials as she stood practically on top of him, unaware of how close she was while she glanced at Chirrut.  Her fingertips were on his bare shoulder, a slight pressure that he remembered from their late night talks that was meant for reassurance. Whatever she had seen on his face when she entered must have worried her.

 

Reaching up, he covered her hand with his fingertips and pressed back, ignoring the way his pulse fluttered.   _I’m fine_.

 

Slowly, she extracted her hand and wandered to where Chirrut sat, leaning next to the older man with a brighter smile on her face.  Meanwhile, Cassian closed the trunk and went back to sit in his bunk, watching the two of them from beneath his fringe “And what are you doing here?  I think Baze is searching for you.”

 

“Exactly why I am hiding.  He wants me to work.” The fearful look on Chirrut’s face could only be described as comical.  Cassian felt a huff of laughter escape his lips.

 

“Sounds terrible.”

 

“You have no idea.”

 

“So what are you planning on making?”

 

“I--it’s…” she paused and glanced at Cassian.  Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment. “I noticed that Bodhi fidgets a lot when he’s nervous so I thought of making him something that he could play with whenever he needs to.”

 

_Marry Jyn Erso…_

 

It was such a simple order.  Staring at her now, feeling his heart swell, he knew he could easily do so and live the rest of his life knowing he was the luckiest man to ever have lived; however, what were her wishes?  She had mentioned before that she didn’t want that life--had tried to escape to Lah’mu just to avoid it. So even if he asked--even if it was his heart’s desire, he loved her so much that her happiness came first.

 

“I’m sure he will love it,” Chirrut said as he nudged her with his shoulder.

 

“I hope so.”

 

As she passed by him, Cassian reached out a hand and touched her wrist lightly.  Not knowing what to say, he gave her a short nod which she returned with a smile.

 

* * *

 

Galen Erso cringed when the door of his facility opened to reveal a smiling Krennic.  The man oozed into the room and headed directly for his desk.

 

“Where is everyone?” Krennic asked, playing dumb.

 

Galen gnashed his teeth together, taking a second to breathe before responding in a light tone, “Home, most likely.  It is passed midnight.”

 

“And here you are, burning the midnight oil.  How lucky am I to have you as a friend.” The statement fell on deaf ears.  Galen chose to ignore him and continue with the blueprints. He needed to make sure that no one adjusted settings on the kyber crystals so that they would consistently overheat.  In that way, the exhaust vent was a must.

 

A white sleeve appeared in front of his computer as Krennic leaned over him.  “I said, how lucky am I to have you as a friend?”

 

“Did you?  Sorry, I was trying to solve this problem.  It appears the core overheats still.”

 

The cold, unflinching eyes of Krennic’s began to soften as he leaned back.  “You know, Galen, I have always been astonished by your loyalty to me. I thought when I had Lyra by my side, that was the only reason you’d listen but when she had gone missing, you still stayed.”

 

His stomach hurt.  He could feel the bile churn as he kept his face somewhat haggard and neutral.  It helped that he grew his hair long and kept a disheveled appearance. One did not know his true thoughts that way.  “As you said, we’re friends,” Galen said, keeping the friendly tone in his voice, though in truth, he felt like screaming.

 

“And my proposing to your daughter--you didn’t even bat an eyelash.”

 

His hands slid beneath the desk and he dug his fingernails into his knee to keep from wrapping them around Krennic’s neck.  Galen stayed because Krennic had kept Lyra locked away, drugged so as not to be able to use any of her Force powers. It was fear of what Krennic would do to his daughter that made him work on this horrendous project.

 

Galen smiled.  “She’s in safe hands.  I would trust you with everything and it is a match that would bring up her status in the noble class.  Far higher than anything I could ever do.”

 

And, through it all, it was rebellion that made him stick an impairment in the hard blue print so that it could all be destroyed with one blast in the right direction.  

 

Galen wasn’t a fool, though he pretended to be.  The marriage proposal came so close after Lyra’s disappearance so that they had to be entwined.  Krennic, it appeared, didn’t believe in Galen’s loyalties, either. Good thing Galen had sent that anonymous message to Saw--Jyn had to be gone by now, hadn’t she?

 

“I’m so glad that you think so highly of me, Galen,” Krennic cooed and stood.  “If you could, would you send a holo to your daughter and let her know to hurry home?  I simply cannot wait for our marriage.”

 

A holo?  “Right now?”

 

“Yes, she has been abroad much too long.”

 

Not long enough.  “Of course. Where shall I send it?”

 

It was very small, but there was a bit of hesitation before Krennic said, “I’ll have them send you the address of Lady Mothma as soon as possible.  Thank you, my dear friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that I will finish this. It's been a difficult few months but writing has been a great escape.


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